Deciphering Personal Ads: Part One

From The Mariner, some newspaper thing my mom gave me

Women's Ads
40-ish - 49
Adventurer - Slept with all your friends
Athletic - No need for a bra
Average Looking - Medical plan won't cover plastic surgery
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Lifetime prescription for valium
Educated - Had affair with Political Science professor
Emotionally Secure - Medicated
Feminist - Black widow maneater
Free Spirit - Has favorite bar name tattooed on rear

Men's Ads
40-ish - 52 and looking for 25 year old
Athletic - Watches a lot of "World's Strongest Men" on tv
Average Looking - Unusual hair growth on ears, nose and back
Educated - Will patronize the pants off of you
Free Spirit - Looking to date your sister also
Friendship First - As long as friendship involves nookie
Fun - Good with a remote and a six pack

Two issues resolved

The necklace arrive at my office today - yay!

12 called around noon. He's been working a lot (shocking, he said he would be working a lot but definitely wanted to see me again). Apparently like 6 am to midnight and then starting over again the next day. Like 7 days/week. Talking to him gave me the stupid grin. Oy. He's so cheerful! It's refreshing to talk to someone like that, I must say. Especially when they're cute and stuff. Said maybe next weekend, which is fine with me - I got plans this weekend and am trying to lay low overall.

I called 12 last night

I couldn't help it. I keep remembering that I had such a good time! No pressure, you know? I wasn't worried about where things could go (nowhere) or what might happen down the line (not much). It was the most stress-free date I've had in years (and you know I've had a lot of dates!). Alas, he has not returned my call. I know, you're shocked. Ha. Oh well.

The necklace-hostage situation

I left this awesome necklace at #8's place - it was heavy and instead of putting it in my pocket I put it down somewhere. I've been asking him to mail it to me. He said yesterday via text that his secretary mailed it yesterday. So if it doesn't show up tomorrow, I'm gonna have to get all bitchy on his ass. My coworker thinks I'm a wimp for not getting bitchy sooner!

#9 - nope

I drove all the way down to Key Largo on Friday night. I dunno, I just wasn't feeling it, you know? I'm just not that attracted to him after all. To be sure, I kissed him! His tongue felt like, well it was the shape of a mini carrot you get in a bag at the grocery store. It felt tongue-like, but it was weird, and I was thinking, "No, I don't think this is what I want for the rest of my life."

I did, however, learn that manatees love to drink fresh water right from the hose - they visit him at the dock of his dive shop and take the hose and drink out of it for like 45 minutes. Cute!

Date #2 with 9 Tomorrow

Finally, I'm going to see 9 again. I'm excited!

There's a 14!

The guy that does all the computer networking and repairs has always had a thing for me. He asked me out for coffee today. I am ambivalent because we work together, but I'll go for coffee. I do like talking to him a lot. We have fun. I think he may have a freaky side, though, so we'll see...

#8 - nixed

I had to kiss 8 - it was our third date and after awhile I gotta man up and find out if there is chemistry, right? There isn't. Kissing him is not exactly what I want. Ever again. Sigh.

I left this necklace that I really like at his place. So today I texted him and asked him to mail it to me! Ballsy. Gave him my work address. He said he'd put in the mail tomorrow. I said I needed it for Wednesday because I had planned a perfect outfit to hit up an acquaintance for major donor contacts for work (a complete lie, although I do plan to do this, I would never have planned my outfit this far in advance!). I feel a little manipulative, but what am I supposed to do? I really like the necklace!!

9 is supposed to be back in town and hopefully I'll hear from him soon. I've changed my settings in eharmony to start sending me matches again. Will also ask an acquaintance to go ahead and set me up with a guy she knows, if he's still available. Before the holidays I was a little busy! And after them...

Now that I don't have new guys in pipeline, it's a little depressing. Gotta get some ducks in a row!! Line 'em up and strike 'em out!

Oh, and I've left such an impression on 12 that he still hasn't called. Mostly I was just curious as to whether he would. He's not what my friends and I would call an ideal candidate. ;)