Sylar

On Wednesday I talked on the phone with a new guy from one of the dating sites. Frankly, I had a feeling it wasn't a great match to begin with because he seemed sort of jaded/negative in his profile. But he's educated and sophisticated, so I wanted to give it a try.

At the beginning of the convo I said, "So you had to wait a long time to vote the other night, huh?" By my calculations, he had spent three hours! That's a lot!

Unfortunately I then received a long rant-like stream of complaints about the optical scanner method of vote-counting. I tried to ask questions, but he was very argumentative and didn't really want to include my input in the "conversation." I should have ended it then, but I kept thinking about how my friend said that she's gotten burned talking politics on a first date kind of thing, so I thought I'd give him more of a chance.

During that time, I started to realize that he sounds like Sylar, the bad guy on "Heroes." And the actor, Zachary Quinto, is latin, and this guy is Cuban. So now in my head I'm talking to some version of Sylar, perhaps the nicer one we've seen in the future when he makes pancakes for his son and Peter's all weirded out.

Sylar said he's not much of an environmentalist, doesn't think global warming is caused by humans (sigh). I said regardless, I try to minimize the amount of trash I generate because that IS bad and IS caused by humans. This was a very novel idea to him.

Sylar tells me I'm really attractive, blah blah blah. I mean, it's just from my photos. I think it's a little weird.

Then he says, "So why is a cutie like you single at 29?"

Me: "Honestly, since I got here four years ago I keep meeting men who want to prove, or even say to me, that they are smarter than me. And none of them are."
Sylar: "Well, I'm smarter than you."
Me: "We'll let the IQ test determine that."
Him: "You know I was joking, right?" (How Sylar-like, and creepy!)
Me: "Not really. Besides, guys say stuff like that and I don't know if they're joking, and then they act like I'm dumb for not 'getting it'. But maybe I just don't care!"
Him: "Hmmm."
Me: "Or they just want to tear me down, like the Cuban guy that said I was 'brave' for speaking Spanish the other day. Just to make me feel bad. I speak really good Spanish!"

Then he gets me to speak Spanish, and says that it's so hot, when we meet he's going to hump my leg.

And he keeps talking about how he's going to hump my leg.

Really. And I don't encourage this at all. For those who know me, I can be very flirty and inappropriate, but not on a first phone call!

And then, he says something about me being a "lucky bitch."

Me: "You cannot call me that. Ever."
Him: "Okay, then 'ho.'"
Me: "No."
Him: "Then 'slut.'"
Me: "Nope."
Him: "Cow?"
Me: "You can only call me something nice. That's all that's allowed."

Somehow I end up agreeing to meet him for coffee (I know, I'm insane). But then I decide to just ignore him, because when I hang up I feel all uncomfortable and weird.

He's texted me twice and I haven't responded. I hope I don't get a hostile message. I'm actually a little concerned that this guy has my cell phone number.

Did I mention that he teaches middle school?