Saturday Night, Part V

Okay, Part V is the last part, I promise!

I forgot to mention that the whole time I'm with him, it keeps floating into my mind that he probably is gay. The way he talks is just kinda gay, okay? And it's cute, but not, you know, what a straight girl wants. Although I do absolutely love Adam Lambert on American Idol, like, too much. Maybe I'm developing a gay-guy fetish. Not likely, except so many guys down here are so gay, even the ones that proclaim straightness.
So we're back at his place, I'm getting my massage (damn right he's gonna put out on that one!). I end up going to bed with him. Come on, he smells good and he's very charming! Thing is, he can't, uh, finish. Just can't. I know why. I'm not particularly perturbed. More curious that he just can't admit it. He blames the booze, and knowing a lot about alcoholism, I might too, except he's just kinda gay! But we laid around in bed for hours, cuddling and talking and making out and whatever. He mentions that a) he's been to some AA meetings (shocking) and b) that he's lost several girlfriends over the not-finishing thing. "But I'm not gay," he says. Oh, yes, except you are.
You know what? I had a good time.
I haven't gotten any lovin' since January 9th of this year. It's lonely, yet I find that I like being on my own in some ways. When I feel well, I like going to bed exactly when I want, reading in bed without guilt that the light is on, watching whatever tv shows I want, and not having to plan around anyone. It doesn't really bother me that no one else is in bed with me. I don't want anyone there. I haven't met someone in awhile where that desire even comes into my brain. When I don't feel well I wish I had a boyfriend to baby me - oh, and I always wish there was a man around to deal with bugs. But that's no reason to settle for a guy I'm not into - especially if he's into dudes too.