Doing what Surrendered Single says

So, "Surrendered Single" says to smile at everybody. I've been trying to do that, even though it's weird. The book points out that as children we're taught not to talk to strangers (or smile at them) but that now we can safely do it because we're adults and know how to keep ourselves safe. Good point. So now, smile at everybody. You never know what could come of it.

Also says to put on a little lipstick when you're going out of the house. I opted for eyeliner and mascara today, since I drink water and soda all day and lip stuff will just come off on my water bottle.

That's all. Nothing too exciting to report.

Additon to my profile

After the #23 disaster, I have added to my eharmony profile: Please only contact me if you have been out of your last meaningful relationship for at least 6 months.

Date with 23

Now comes the juicy and dysfunctional stuff! I know you were waiting for it, except my mom. She doesn't like the dysfunctional stories. Can't imagine why. ;)
23 was right on time. I had a really good time with him! He was fun and enjoyed my dark joke about the person dying and leaving my organization money. He asked about the two rings I wear, including the diamond & sapphire one. I told him I married myself, and he laughed but like it was creative, not stupid. Ah, it was going very well. I really liked him a lot.
After dinner we wandered the Gables a bit, until we came upon The Bar (that's what it's called, really). We sat and it was fun and blah blah. Then he started putting the moves on me and kissed me in the bar! I was like, we can't do this here, blah blah, but then he'd kiss me again... anyway, I got us out of there. We made out in the street. Seriously. But there really wasn't anyone around. Thank god for July in Miami - everyone's on vacation or something (but where do they go? Hmmm.) But I started to get scared, because I liked him and I felt like things were moving fast. Not that they could go further than kissing really, but still. So I was like, okay, I'm gonna go. Then he asked me to drive him to the garage he was in, even though it was around the corner, in case he couldn't get out (it was 1 am). I assured him that he could get out. I just felt like I should do it. It was weird, because he didn't try anything. Which is good, but it was weird.
Well, Monday on my way to see my therapy therapist (since I've written about the physical therapist) he calls me. Yay, right? No. Apparently he just got out of a relationship 8 weeks ago with a 31-year-old woman with a ten-year-old who is twice divorced.
I've come to the conclusion that, when I remember to think this, you're attracted to someone who's at the same level of emotional health as you are. So, already this is looking bad for him. Then he tells me that he had broken up with her "over and over" in the past, that she moved in with someone else and was marrying him within weeks of the breakup, and that he lost friends he'd had for 10 years because he "just fell apart" and they were used to him being the strong one. What?
So - Number 23 - nixed

Date with 22

22 is very nice, but I didn't get a good feel for who he is. Probably means I talked too much.

We were supposed to meet at 6, as far as I know, but he didn't show up until 6:30 and didn't text or call. It was kind of odd. In fact at 6:15 I (having, unusually, arrived at Starbucks right on time), texted him that I was going to Jamba Juice next door. He texted back that he'd meet me there. Then I came back to Starbucks and texted him that I was back.

Anyway, he seems very gentle and kind. I think he's not the type to appreciate the occasional bit of gallows humor which comes along with my occupation. I manage a nonprofit organization for a disease, and people die sometimes. So when he asked how I raise money, I said it was hard but, "Someone died and left us 50 grand!" I smiled like "Hey, what are you gonna do?" But he was a little taken aback.

I think I should marry someone in the medical field.

So if he calls again I'd say yes since the Surrendered Single book says that we're nervous and weird on first dates, so give the guy a chance. But I kinda think he won't call.

Speaking of the medical field, I'm in physical therapy and today I was lying on a mat doing some exercises and my therapist's friend/endocrinologist came by to give her some medication. They did the Miami kiss greeting. He was cute! So I was like, "My doctors don't deliver my medications to me. They don't even kiss me in greeting!" I gave my therapist my card with my cell number on the back. She said he's very shy, doesn't know why he's single except he's too picky, wants a girl that's never been married (check), doesn't have kids but wants them (check), and is Jewish (fail). But as I told her, I'd make a wonderful Jewish person. I'll convert. It's cool. I've thought about it before since I meet a lot of Jewish guys.

Anyway.

#23

#23 is a 6'4"-tall Indian guy in Sunrise. He's very nice, very smart. I liked talking to him last night! We're supposed to have dinner Saturday night. I'm thinking I'll try to get 22 meet me for coffee at 6, then wrap up at 7:30, then meet 23 for dinner at 8? This is assuming I'm doing it all on Miracle Mile, which would be easier than driving different places.
Okay, it's a little wrong to stack dates, but what am I gonna do? Get all done up for a 2 o'clock date, go home and do stuff, then get all done up again for an 8 o'clock date?
I know, I have terrible problems to tackle.

#22

#22 is Mexican. Talked to him Tuesday night.
He seems very nice - you know, like a nice person. Nice is important. He wanted to know if I was serious when I said on eharmony that a dream I really look forward to having come true is to have a house with a yard so I can have a big dog. I didn't understand why he cared so much at first, then he told me he has a Weimeraner that he really loves but had to send back to Mexico because he was unhappy in an apartment. 22 has a big extended family and the doggie was lonely and cooped up. I could tell it was hard for him to part with his dog, and I related that it had been hard for me to part with my cats because of allergies. It was nice. Sounds boring, right? But we were connecting.

Anyway, hopefully I'll meet him for coffee on Saturday. The dumb thing about me going on coffee dates is that I don't really like coffee. Maybe there's a Jamba Juice on Miracle Mile, cuz I think we're meeting in the Gables.

Surrendered Singles Circle

I went to this thing last night called a Surrendered Singles Circle, although I had no idea what it was about. It's actually based on a 2002 book that I just purchased on Amazon for about $7 including shipping. They want you sign up for a $200, 3 1/2 month biweekly seminar, but I won't because I'm cheap and I can't sit still for seminars or classes. But I'll read the book.
Basic premise? Relax, be yourself, and don't pressure yourself or your date. Some memorable lines from last night that resonate with me:
"He's on a first date, but you're in a relationship," meaning that I'm already thinking about will he make a good husband, am I attracted to him, will my friends like him, when really, that shouldn't matter. It should just be about having some fun meeting someone new.
"He didn't call because he didn't call," meaning don't get into the whys and wherefores of it all. Just move on. Don't assume it's because I suck.
It's got a bit of the 12-step idea going on, about focusing on yourself and being kind to yourself, and becoming a person you are happy with.
Afterwards I talked to the guy likely to be #22, and I really enjoyed it. I tried to just be myself more, and I felt like it worked! I relaxed and didn't censor myself quite so much, and it was ok.

This artist guy

I was communicating with this artist guy on eharmony, and he gave me his number on like Thursday and I said I'd call. On Saturday afternoon I get this message on the site, "what happened?"

Er, it was less than 48 hours, and I'm not gonna call him on Friday night, you know? People are doing stuff. I'm doing stuff (or taking a nap, but anyway). Well, I messaged him back that I hadn't had a chance to call and would call on Sunday.

Called on Sunday. Got the ol' voice mail. Haven't heard from him.

People are so strange.

I closed those matches

I closed those matches that didn't call me for weeks and stuff. Lame. At least they didn't call me and tell me that parts of my job make them want to barf.

#21 - nixed

Firstly, he shows up at Starbucks having not even bothered to shave. This was quite clear because he had some serious shadow on his entire neck and face. Also, I immediately got the impression that he's gay. I didn't get it on the phone, but in person - geez. Maybe he's just effeminate.
Anyway, things were going okay, but he wasn't as cute as his pictures, I really couldn't feel attracted to him, and he kept mentioning that the green tea he was drinking was perhaps upsetting his stomach - come on! Be a man! I'm sorry. I can't stand it when men are like, "Oh, that upset my stomach," when everyone else is fine. (Once I had a boyfriend that in the middle of the night puked up our Chinese dinner and said it was because of my entree, because he "tasted it first" on the way up. What? You ate another entree that I didn't touch ... and you're a pansy.)
In addition, talking about the disease I work with for my job made him queasy when we talked about sputum (phlegm) samples being required for diagnosis. Then later he says, "I burped but I was worried - well I mean, I didn't vomit or anything," and I responded with a decent-sized, "Ewwww!" "I guess I shouldn't have said that," he said. "No," I said.
We wrapped it up soon after that.

Coffee Date on Sunday - #21

I'm meeting a guy on Sunday for coffee. He has a very dry sense of humor, something I can appreciate! He's a lawyer, but in-house counsel (so probably not 80-hour work weeks). Definitely enjoyed talking to him last night.

There are several guys that said they'd call me and never have, but also haven't closed the match. It's annoying because I want to close the match and be like, "So there!" I mean, that's the mature thing to do. It's just weird. I never had that happen at the beginning of my time on the old eharmony.

Also hope to line up a date with an artist I've been communicating with. Gotta give him a call!

#20 - no call

He did close the match on eharmony, choosing "We are communicating outside of eharmony" as the reason, but I knew the truth. Oh well.

Yes, perhaps as one anonymous poster said, "he was too cool for school," or at least, for me.

I do think he's a little nuts, and I don't really want a little nuts. At least not in that way.

Blast from the past

Er, so I get a friend request on facebook, from this guy that seems vaguely familiar from back when I was in law school. He mentions my undergrad and law schools, so he must know me, but who is he? His profile lists him as having gone to neither. So I write him back.

Yes, he's this guy that I hooked up with in 2001. It was so-so. I remember later that night I snuck out of my room and got on the phone with this other dude I had been seeing (I'm still convinced that he was gay) and was more interesting to talk to.

Then in the morning my crazy roommate was out and I was afraid she would get pissed at me for bringing someone home even though it wasn't going to affect her in the slightest (we didn't share a bathroom, I didn't use the common areas, and my room was closer to the front door!). But I remember I felt I couldn't let him leave because she was in the kitchen and would see him, and he kept saying he had to go to work, and I was like, "You can't leave! She'll see you!" Oh, this makes me laugh. I held him hostage for like 10 minutes but it felt like hours.

I wrote him back that I couldn't believe he remembered my last name (and both of my institutions of higher learning!). I guess it was even more memorable for him... I said I still feel bad about the whole not-letting-him-leave thing. We'll see if I hear back. He has over 1,000 friends and I'm not dying to friend him.