Deciphering Personal Ads: Part One

From The Mariner, some newspaper thing my mom gave me

Women's Ads
40-ish - 49
Adventurer - Slept with all your friends
Athletic - No need for a bra
Average Looking - Medical plan won't cover plastic surgery
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Lifetime prescription for valium
Educated - Had affair with Political Science professor
Emotionally Secure - Medicated
Feminist - Black widow maneater
Free Spirit - Has favorite bar name tattooed on rear

Men's Ads
40-ish - 52 and looking for 25 year old
Athletic - Watches a lot of "World's Strongest Men" on tv
Average Looking - Unusual hair growth on ears, nose and back
Educated - Will patronize the pants off of you
Free Spirit - Looking to date your sister also
Friendship First - As long as friendship involves nookie
Fun - Good with a remote and a six pack