Weekend Summary

Saturday I participated in a moving party of sorts at the Flamingo in South Beach, and learned the down side of having 15 friends go through all your stuff while you're distracted. At least none of us put his underwear on our heads and ran around the apartment! After we were done and lounging in the new place, the second dinner group guy I was matched with showed up. We teased the hell out of each other, and he said, "What kind of e-harmony girlfriend are you going to be if you don't remember that I lived in Baltimore?" So then we told people we were matched. We agreed to let each other view our personality profiles, which you don't normally display on the site. So today I logged in and saw that he had checked out my profile again, then I changed my settings so he could see my big long mess of a personality profile. He hadn't shown his though so I emailed him on facebook to do it, then he did immediately. It's funny, sometimes I felt like I was reading about myself a bit, and other stuff struck me as highly accurate about him. It was different than my own profile because the format is MUCH easier to read - I don't know if mine will read like that for him. I'm letting him take the lead on that convo! I want to be pursued! I want to be chased! I'm not doing all the work until I already have them definitely interested.


On the drive home I talked to the guy who owns a dive shop. He seemed to talk about himself a lot. But then, I've been known to do that so I'm trying not to pass judgment. Plus we had a cool convo about a band I didn't expect him to like that I like a lot (All American Rejects) and he seems like a cool guy. And he lives in the Keys but comes up to Kendall twice a week for ice hockey, so the distance isn't an issue for him.


Finally, on Sunday I went out with #8, who is a Chinese-American project supervisor for a construction company. I had a lot of fun! We met at Starbucks on Miracle Mile in the Gables and the weather was PERFECT. We laughed a lot about non-pc stuff, which is always fun for me. I'm SO not pc. Heh. Anyway, at the end he walked me to my car and asked me out again right there on the spot, and I said yes. It'll be after I get back to Miami on the 30th. We were going to do Ethiopian, but I just learned last night that Sheba is closed, so we'll have to pick another cuisine. Anyway, #8 may party too much, or at least hang out with that type of crowd too much for me, but we'll see. I just had a lot of fun!

I have a coffee date on Sunday

Talked to him a couple nights ago. Seems like a good guy. I guess he will be #8. I think I'm smarter than he is, though, and that can be a problem. For them and for me. I've encountered it before - either their awed by my brilliance (yawn) or determined to prove that they are actually smarter (oy).

Am also talking to a guy that runs a scuba diving company on Key Largo. He seems pretty cool. Don't know if I can actually dive because when I go down three feet in a swimming pool my ears hurt...

Also talking to a 38 year old Marine Corps officer who works at SouthCom. Seems like a big outdoors type, though, so I dunno. Do I strike you as a big outdoors type? I didn't think so. Too bad, cuz he's hot! Kinda invited me to go wind surfing. Yeah, I'll get in a bathing suit in front of him asap. Not.

My first pecan pie

Yummy, right? Of course, now that I know what went into it I don't know if I can bear to make another one. 3 eggs, one cup of sugar, one cup of corn syrup (I used the reduced calorie kind, but still!), and 1 1/4 cups pecans. Oh, and a little oil.

Monday night summary

Monday was a busy night for me in the boy department.

The 22-year-old showed up at the dinner group holiday party at Skybar at the Shore Club. There's something about him I really like, even though I don't know him very well. And he's persistent: we now have a coffee date for 12/31. I'm not used to being pursued this much. It's nice! Follow-up email in less than 24 hours, that sort of thing. I'm enjoying it. My married friend doesn't understand why we'd do a coffee date instead of dinner, but I explained that this makes me less nervous. Yes, I'm actually rather nervous about this stuff. All that vivaciousness covers up my anxiety.

So anyway.

The teacher showed up as well. I wanted to talk to him alone, but people kept getting in the way! Eventually I had to tell them to just give us three minutes. Then I looked at him, he looked at me, and he blurted out, "I think you're totally hot." Yes, folks, just like that. Things like that don't happen in real life! It was cool. I said thank you. Then I was starting to get into the do-you-want-to-go-out thing and he was like, "but you see" and I said, "Oh, you're seeing someone." "Yeah." "Okay," I said. "I'll give you my card anyway?" He heartily agreed (poor girlfriend). Then I looked him in the eye and said, "Anything she can do, I can do better."

What can I say? I was feeling bold. And I didn't mean it sexually, I just meant that I'm pretty awesome. Which I am.

C showed up, which was a little weird.

The gorgeous guy showed up, even said he was looking for me, which tickled me pink, I have to admit. I bet he'd laugh if he read this.

And another one

The one thing XX is most passionate about:
Art, painting, writing, nature, exotic pristine beaches, romantic / erotic interludes, very openminded lifestyle, reading about and meeting people who step out and explore the boundaries of sexuality.

The most important thing XX is looking for in a person is:
Extremely open minded :) and willing to try everything atleast once. A cheerful friendly person that enjoys the smaller moments of happiness as much as the more adventurous ones.... going on long drives, visiting Barnes and Nobles, beaches, watching a nice movie together at home, even say visiting adult clubs / swinger parties. A wonderful girl with an independent and orignial, outlook to life. A woman with no taboos willing to unabashedly fulfill all her fantasies.

Okay, enough creeps!!

Another e-harmony profile

The one thing Richard is most passionate about:
Getting into and completing the school of anesthesia. Great lovemaking in a meaningful relationship


I'm really missing out with this one.

My book club friend & gorgeous guy

She has a boyfriend. I told her I was disappointed, because this guy is GORGEOUS.

Oh well.

I'm hoping the teacher shows up at our dinner group on Monday.

Another e-harmony match!

This morning I found myself matched with another guy from my dinner group (that's how I know C). He's a good guy, although I don't think we're a super match and I'm sure he would agree. He's viewed my profile but not immediately closed the match, probably because he has better manners than C! He does have excellent manners, but it's attractive because he's a good-looking guy.

It's interesting to see what e-harmony pumps out. So much better, I think, than general match.com matches.

C and I were matched on E-harmony

You may recall my adventures with C (not his real name, of course - who is named with the letter C?). We were friends. Sometimes I miss him, but mostly I think it would still be hard for me to hang out with him right now. I saw him a few weeks ago at my dinner group and it was fine, but I was accutely aware of him the whole time, tables away.

So today I was showing my coworker how this guy I'm talking to on e-harmony has really nice legs, and I saw there was a closed match with C. I started laughing! I knew it was inevitable that we would be matched, if he was still on the site, because we are pretty damn compatible. He gave three reasons: he is taking a break from dating, we are communicating outside of e-harmony, and other. So I texted him:

Me: What, you don't want to do guided communication? ;) lol

Him: Well you know so much about me already that they would need to write 100 things you didn't know about me.

Me: Did you really have to put "other"? Sheesh!
Him: Well there was no "got busy option" so I had to go with the other ;)

Me: Rofl. Sometimes I miss these texting sessions. Maybe I should take you out of purgatory.

Him: Yes - (awkward silence as I face the corner in my room surrounded by the murmurs of shadows and st peters hot stern laser vision burning the back of my neck)


Oh, and no, he still doesn't have a job.

Another profile on match.com

This is how it starts:


i am easy goin guy a christian, i love sex, i am a weight lifter,tabble tennis player,i love playin wit whom i love …



Wow.

Some random notes about dating

I talked to #7 from eharmony. We clicked really, really well. Friday night he said he'd call me later, and he hasn't called. I see that since then he's looked at my profile on eharmony. It's just weird, you know? I mean, I think I know why #4 and #5 didn't call. But I don't have any idea with this one. Thing is, he's apparently just lost 200 pounds (yes, 200). And he even said that he's still learning how people perceive him now, and it's all new to him.

I guess I sense there is a project in #7, and I don't want a project. I don't want to train a new one, you know? I want a guy that's already a little trained - maybe lived with a girl, if not divorced. And I guess I also sense that he's going to have some serious self-esteem issues. Barf-o.

Tonight at my dinner club, I think there were two guys interested in me! One is 22, but he was fun to talk to, mature for his age, and unperturbed when I said I was old enough to be his mother - he totally worked me anyway, all the right questions. Really has his shit together, running a small company already with 4 employees. The other is one I've met before (he's older than me at least), and I get a good vibe from him. He's a teacher. Cute guy, laughs at my jokes (always a good sign, right?). Passed me several times during dinner, put his hand on my back. Then I moved and sat by him and some of my girlfriends in the group. He tucked a flower behind my ear. He seemed nervous! It was sweet. We chatted for a while. As we were all leaving, he said, "Well, I guess I'll see you again before Christmas, right?" I said maybe, because "I'm a busy girl!" I think he was trying to figure out about asking me for my number. Or I'm crazy, but I don't usually imagine things. Oh, and he's best friends with this guy that I was talking to on match.com until I approached him at one of these dinners and was like, "Hey, howya doin'?" After that he never responded to my email. It's weird though whenever I see the guy, because I feel like I'm the one that rejected him - it's something about how he acts.

This totally gorgeous guy I met at dinner about a month ago wants to go out with a girl from my women's book club that I brought to that dinner. Despite his obvious social skills, he didn't seem to quite know how to go about it, so I had to spell it out - give me your number, give me your email, blah blah blah. I've already emailed her, the lucky duck! This guy is gorgeous! And smart. And loaded. I pointed out that he wouldn't even have been sitting next to her if I hadn't hailed him over and strongly encouraged him to plop down next to her. I'll tell him he owes me one! I suspect he would know what kind of guy to set me up with. He seems to have my number already, as they say.

Oh, and I met a real cutie last night at this guy's book club meeting in South Beach.

I don't totally understand this answer

QUESTION FROM ME
1. I'm not a pirate but I can be sort of foul-mouthed. What does "foul-mouthed" mean to you? Dropping f-bombs all the time, while, like, ordering a pizza? I keep it clean at work, with kids, & when arguing but otherwise can be off color...

ANSWER FROM HIM
Foul mouthed is not on the top of my list of likes. I think cursing is a sign of conviction of personal righteousness. When you curse a lot the personal conviction that might be afforded to someone is discounted.


Okay, so I don't really understand what he's saying. Does this mean he has bad communication skills? Or what?


Next question from him:
1. Whom would you like to be profane with right now?

Come on, really? Yeah, I wanna "be profane" with everyone all the time! Oy.


On a side note, #6 called again. Maybe I'll have to text him a Dear John message.

#6 Called

#6 called on Wednesday night. I did not take the call. Hopefully he won't call again, or only once more. I don't want to have to actually write him a text message that I'm not interested. Is that wimpy of me? Maybe. Oh well.

e-harmony Question

On e-harmony you can ask specific questions during the process, after you each send a list of must-haves and can't-stands: 10 each of things you absolutely must have in a relationship and can't stand in a relationship.

This guy said someone being "foul-mouthed" was something he couldn't stand, so I sent him this question. We'll see if he closes the match or actually responds! I mean, there are some things about me that I just have to be up front about.

So I wrote this question to him:
"I'm not a pirate but I can be sort of foul-mouthed. What does 'foul-mouthed' mean to you? Dropping f-bombs all the time, while, like, ordering pizza? I keep it clean at work, with kids, and when arguing but otherwise can be off color..."

Sunday Chat with #6

#6 called Sunday night. We had a nice talk I guess, although I stayed on the phone too long with him. He seemed intent on convincing me I should move, which was annoying. It annoys me to no end that people think living in old-school Dadeland is bad. It's nice! It's quiet, it's very very safe, it's convenient to my job and my al-anon buddies that live in East Bumfuck (aka the Hammocks), and the drive to sobe/grove/gables isn't horrendous (altho it ain't great, I won't deny that).

I asked him about the weird phone call and concluded by his response that 1) he didn't think it was weird that he called someone he hadn't even met at 10:15 at night on a holiday weekend when he knew they were out of town, and 2) it was basically a drunk dial.

Now, I know I'm hot stuff and all, but a drunk dial from a guy I haven't even met?

He also seemed shocked that I would give up on forcing minor plumbing problems in my apartment to be fixed after meeting tremendous resistance and bullshit. The problems aren't that bad. Nothing is falling off, you know? But he kept pushing it. It was weird. I felt like he though I was a quitter. I'm not a quitter, damn him!

Luckily he didn't ask me out yet. Wimp. Now I will just ignore his calls, if there are any more. Maybe he thinks I'm a quitter and won't call! That would be just as well. Give him more time for beer.

MIA Won an Award?

Sweet mother of God, MIA won an award for something! I was so shocked I had to share with ya'll. MIA is not exactly a bastion of intelligence, nor is it attractive or orderly. I guess the TSA has different standards...

#6

#6 left a message on my voice mail Friday night. I could see that he called around 10:15 pm, which isn't cool this early on.

The message started with really loud music in the background and him shouting "Hello? Hello?" and then hanging up. It's just weird. I mean, if my phone accidentally dials a number, I know it did it, you know? So I wouldn't be trying to have a convo with the person. So I'm guessing he was drunk. I don't think he was actually trying to call me, but he told me that last Monday his friends came over and they were drinking and wrestling on the floor and messed up his place, and then I get an inadvertent drunk dial on Friday. Given my concerns about alcohol abuse, I'm seeing red flags!!

Job Listing

Just in time for Thanksgiving!

I found a job listing for an attorney position.

It says "Salary will commiserate with experience."

This weird guy from match

First this guy winked at me, then after I didn't respond he send the following email:

Date received: November 24, 2008
Subject: Declaration #2
I really am very fond of your profile.


Why didn't I respond? He is 43, lives all the way in Boca, has a sexy first picture but a crazy-guy-with-weird-hair second picture, and writes things like this in his profile:


for fun:
I love grazing.. . So turfy around here..One lies down and lo ! every thing appears upside down. Gazing at other grazers, as a sport, isn' t unlike chess, minus the headache... Goya, yoga, old masters and young mistresses.

my education:
The only things I truly know are the ones I didn't study for.

favorite things:
At a petullant gallop to get trough the Boca Raton Museum Of Art ,- jumping over Mizner Park , knocking anachronical valets on the way if possible, in other words: to pass by

last read:
I don't read, I re- read.



(This has given me several fits of hysterical laughter.)

Stuffing Envelopes

Last night I watched five episodes of Ghost Whisperer in a row while I labeled, stamped and stuffed envelopes for the holiday mailer for my job - our annual fundraiser.

**Spoiler alert - don't read down if you haven't watched the most recent episode of Ghost Whisperer AND you care!**


It's cheesy, but I really like that show!! And I love Melinda's husband, so I am relieved that thus far he is still on the show. Jim is the perfect husband. Too perfect, really. No actual human being could be as hot, smart and kind as Jim. But that's okay! It's still good that he's not gone. Although they put him in the body of a really goofy-looking guy, so that's not so good.

#6 is funny!

#6 said in an email that he's actually from Florida, which is unusual. I said that, nonetheless, I had encountered this rare species and even taken photographs of it. ;) His reply:

I'm glad that you've encountered the rare Native Floridian; there are many sub-species including; the majority species with the latin name Flipus Flopus Wearus, and of course the Fake Breasted lark.

Just wanted to share.

Ixnay on #4 and #5

Nope, haven't heard from them. I guess they're doing me a favor by not calling, right? It's weird, though. Seriously! I know I am not at fault here. Dammit. I'm almost certain. Almost.

I am emailing with a new guy. He is highly entertaining - his emails are funny. Says in his free time he likes reading ... blah blah blah ... and lion taming. That sort of thing. I didn't write him back as fast as the others. I'm getting jaded! But he might be cool. Here's to maybe!

On a somewhat lighter note

Last night I went to my dinner group, and it was fun! I brought a friend from my women's book club along, and my buddy from college that moved here recently came too. I sat next to him and she ended up across the table from us; I was a little worried she'd be isolated but then a really cute guy sat next to her, so I figured, hey, I think she'll manage. Heh.

I still haven't heard from #5 (or #4). One of my friends last night, a cute guy, said he thinks guys in Miami are weird and he doesn't understand them. That made me feel better about not getting called, but it made me feel hopeless about dating here!

Argh. It's not like a date with me is forgettable. I mean, come on!

Now I have to write back to another guy that wrote me on a dating site. I've put it off because when they write the first few I have to read their profiles so I can ask them stuff. So I have to give it a little time and attention. And I'm like, so then we go out once and if I like him, he doesn't call?

Hopefully I'll feel less hopeless tomorrow.

Sign in a Church Parking Lot

Sunday Blatherings

I haven't heard from Date #5, and I would really like to. Since I didn't hear from #4, as soon as I got in the car and drove away from #5, I was thinking, "He's not going to call!"

I feel like maybe I talked too much about myself, even though I made a point of asking him about himself too. I feel like maybe I told him too much, although I didn't say anything particularly disturbing. I mentioned my germ phobia, but he said he has the same thing! I mentioned that I obsess about my skin, but he just thought it was silly. Like a lot of people I know. These things just came up; it's not like I focused on telling him weird things about me. And he told me that he has serious anxiety about his job (fancy corporate law litigation stuff - high stress). Enough that at a doctor's appointment he had a fast heart rate or something like that, solely because of anxiety. And he's supposed to lose 5-10 pounds, according to his dad and his doctor. So... big deal, right?

The thing is, I would think that a guy like him would really appreciate a girl like me - it's hard to find my particular combination of awesomeness. ;) But now I get to that thing where, if they don't call me something is wrong with me, which really isn't true because you never know what's going on in a stranger's life. My cute friend said she did the internet dating thing for a while and had some great first dates, maybe some seconds, but it never went anywhere.

And this is where dating is a pain in the ass.

Date 5

It was a great date! How exciting!

This one is an attorney, does litigation but mostly appellate work. Seems like an all-around decent person. Lives in Brickell, as opposed to friggin' Broward County like a lot of my dates. I thought it would be boring, but he can really keep up with my blather and offer his own opinions. He's cute, and a whole 5'11", which is like being 6'4" in regular America. ;) I had a really good time. Really good.

Hopefully he'll call. #4 hasn't, which is disappointing.

Oh, and we went to Tarpon Bend in the Gables, which I now knew how to find because of the retarded problems I had on Date #2.

The Ceremony

There wasn't a ceremony! But I did get a good deal. I told the guy at the store that I had seen it $50 cheaper on their website, and then he knocked it down another $25 off that. Awesome!

I am officially trying to be nicer to myself.

Oh, and I have another date tonight. Unfortunately, I have not heard from #4. I am very disappointed!

Hard Reset: I'm a Big Girl Now

There's an Ingrid Michaelson song that starts "I could write my name at the age of three/and I don't need anyone to cut my meat for me/I'm a big girl now/See my big girl shoes..."

My Samsung Blackjack II (it's in between a Blackberry Pearl and Curve in terms of features) was losing its mind. And I've learned recently that the tech people at AT&T, and probably all other wireless carriers, are totally useless in helping with real problems. They tell you to return the phone or something lame and annoying. So I googled the issues (inappropriate beeping - how relevant to someone like me!; ringtones "corrupted"; etc.) and discovered that I was going to have to do a hard reset. Not just take out the battery and the SIM card, but actually restore factory settings. Oy.

So I installed the synchronizing software on my laptop to download all my contacts from my phone, converted SIM contacts to Outlook contacts, etc. - it was fun to have the phone and laptop synching the whole time!

Then I did the hard reset, set up my email accounts again, changed my settings again, etc.

Then I lay in bed looking at the ceiling and thought, "I'm a big girl now! I fixed a major technical problem all by myself without losing any data!"

Sometimes it's really helpful to be reminded that I am, in fact, pretty damn self-sufficient. And I don't need anyone to cut my meat for me.

No One Has Ever Noticed This Huge Notebook in Our Office

A Huge Bug

So this thing was like 3 inches long. It freaked me out so much I was a little afraid to pass it on the stairs. But once I was past it I wasn't too afraid to lean in as far as I could bear and snap a pic on my phone.

Date 4

Finally, a good first date! This guy grew up in a Latin American country but spent the past 10 years in Toronto, including getting a master's degree. He was fun but polite, and did not accuse me of being defective for still being single at the ancient age of 29!

We talked about serious stuff. And he smelled good. I know, not a good reason. But he's cute and he smelled good even across the table. And he obviously thinks about things deeply and has opinions. Probably quieter than me, but when I'm "on" when first meeting new people, everyone is quieter than me.

We had a nice slice of pizza on Espanola Way in South Beach after being diverted from our original location of Starbucks on Lincoln Road because there was parking due to some convention. He was even impressed with my wonderful directions to get to a different garage (he's new in town and lives in Broward).

Let's see if he calls! And then let's see if he's worthy!

Saturday at the Dinner-Movie Theater

Last night I went to the Cobb CineBistro at the Dolphin Mall with some girls from my book club. It was pretty darn fun! It's one of those places where you have to be 21 to go in, and it's got a nice dinner and drinks menu. Our food was really good.

We saw Body of Lies. It veered away from the overarching theme of "watch out, we're totally fucking up in the Middle East" to some degree, and I don't think it was particularly well done, but overall it was definitely a good flick. I think Leo DiCaprio is getting to be pretty hot as a badass international man of mystery (see Blood Diamond), and Russell Crowe as someone's fat, middle-aged dad was fun to see, as well as Leo's super important Jordanian contact, this very sexy guy (if you go for that sort) who calls Leo "my dear," and doesn't mean it sexually but it comes off that way anyway.

I just have to say this about the Dolphin Mall: it is a paean to American consumerism, with its seven named and themed hallways of stores, numbered entrances so you can figure out where the hell you left your car, shopping cart dispensers at the entrances, valet parking, special parking for tour buses, and a movie theater, Dave & Busters, and fancy bowling alley with good food; all it's missing is a ski resort like that place in Dubai - because yes, it has a Marriott. And half the people there don't speak English because it's in Doral. Just to get to the theater I had to walk from entrance 5 to hallway 3, then up the stairs; but to leave I took the stairs down to hallway 3 and left out of entrance 7 because they closed hallway 6 and I couldn't get to hallway 5. Seriously. One good point: a lot of anchor stores have their own entrances on the parking lots. I think this shows a lot of forethought by the designers. They are some brilliant people, coming up with this Disney-esque world of themed hallways, signs telling you where to go, and bright colors everywhere. It put me in a better mood than I would have been at any other crowded mall!

Attack of the Exes

Well, one ex and that guy I call "C".

A married couple I have been friends with since my early days in Miami are moving to New York so they can raise a family. That's what a lot of people do - Miami's not a great place to raise kids because of the cost of living and the blatant concern for sex appeal and expensive watches and cars. My friend's 7 y/o daughter has this neighbor friend who is, IMHO, a gold-digger in training.

I started dating my ex in March 2006. We moved in together in February 2007. Within a day or two he became extremely mean. I think he already was, but it got really obvious after I was in his space. It was very difficult. There were many times I should have left. Like when he was verbally abusive. Or when he locked me out emotionally. Or when he got really high (marijuana) three days in a row, including on our anniversary and was late for our celebratory dinner. And I hate pot, btw. I moved into my own place and we broke up on Otober 1, 2007.

He called me sometimes after we broke up, sometimes high, and it was generally hard for me because he is fun to talk to but I have to totally cut someone out to move on. The last time we talked was on the Fourth of July, when I told him that after we talk I am always sad for a week. He said that he would leave it up to me to call in the future. He was really surprised, I think. He also said that the relationship issues were totally his fault, but he said it like it was no big deal, not really apologetically. Did I mention that he hijacked our couples therapist, whom I found? I guess she was helping him. Sort of.

So the married couple have been doing some pre-departure gatherings to see their friends before they leave. I was invited to their Halloween party but didn't go. Lo and behold, I see the ex in photos of their party on facebook. He moved to their neighborhood, and they told me they had run into him, so I wasn't shocked. But seeing pics of him still upsets me a lot, unfortunately. It is what it is.

I called him last night to "develop a custody agreement" for the couple's big gathering on Friday and Saturday night of next weekend. He was surprised that I was invited. I was like, "Yeah, I was invited several weeks ago." I mean, they were my friends first! Geez! I said it would be awkward if we were both there, and he agreed. He said it's fine, "but if I find out it's only one night, I'm gonna be mad," sort of jokingly. That hurt - I am not mean like that. Double geez! Overall I could tell that he was a bit angry with me. What? What did I do?

Well, it's the same thing as with C.

I set a boundary (I need a break, don't come to my party; or Talking to you makes me sad for a week, I'll call you if/when I want to) and then they get passive agressive with me. Hence C rubbing the new girl in my face. Hence the ex being unfriendly and testy with me.

Sigh.

I'm marrying myself!

Yes, it's official. I proposed and I accepted.

Okay, so it sounds weird, but here's my reasoning: I am much, much kinder to and more accepting of a man that I am dating seriously than I am to myself. So I want to commit to treating myself as well as I treat them. And in exchange, I get this nice ring for my right hand.

Maybe it's partly an excuse to by myself a $329 ring, but it's also a serious commitment. I am too hard on myself (as so many of us are) and I've got to learn to be loving to myself. They say you should try to become the person you would want to marry, and I want to marry someone who is nice to me! That's not generally who I date seriously. Hence the being single thing.

Obama

Yes, I am absolutely thrilled that he won!

I am concerned, however, about how split our country is. About how divisive our politics are in the U.S.

I hope that Obama can do something to make it better. But this us vs. them mentality between the parties has been around for a long time, and I don't know if it will change. Civilizations have always thrived on that - part of why, IMHO, we have so much war and strife! Humans are all a bunch of drama queens looking for the next big scary problem so that we can avoid looking at ourselves and our faults.

So, here's to Obama not fucking it up too much! :)

Election Protection

Yesterday I volunteered with an organization called Election Protection, www.866ourvote.org, which basically ensures that voters actually get to vote and that their votes are counted. The goal was to avoid voting by provisional ballot if at all possible, as this often ends in the vote being thrown out.

The Election Protection volunteers I worked with were all attorneys, so we had our big books of Florida statutes and stuff.

The main problem we encountered? People were at the wrong precinct, and might wait an hour or two to find out they have to wait another hour or two to vote at the right precinct. Mostly just human error - on the voting populace's part, not the government's. It was fun at first, but as the hours went by I got a little worn out and tired. My partner was tireless, I gotta give her props for that. But I had trouble getting people to actually talk to me. She was better at it. Just a people-skills thing, I guess.

What really bothered me was these long lines people were waiting in. It just seems to me that it was so foreseeable. And the lines were really bad during early voting down here too - why not open more early voting locations? Instead of 17 in Dade, why not 34?

Next time, if the election isn't as "important" to people as this year's, I imagine many will stay home because they want to avoid the lines. This is not good!!

Now I am feeling rather motivated to work to improve voting conditions for 2012. I need a new political thing to work on anyway, since the campaign and election are over (I campaigned for Obama - did canvassing, voter registration, and phone banking).

My second motivation: why can't we get a printout of who we voted for? I get a printout when I go to the ATM!!

And it really is time to use computers - it just ain't that hard, people! It's pretty easy to prevent them from being hacked - just keep them off line, and have three portable data drives storing the information - so even two can be lost/destroyed. Then the drives are transported to the reporting location when the poll closes. Easy enough!

Another Sylar Update

STILL calling and texting. Left me a voice mail, saying he thought we had a good conversation on Wednesday. Clearly my ignoring him wasn't getting through (probably partly because I said I would see him and stayed on the phone with him for like 2 hours [I know, I know, wtf is wrong with me]).

So I sent him this text: Hi Sylar, I've changed my mind. After we hung up land I was able to reflect on the conversation I concluded that we are really not compatible. Best of luck.

His response: You too. No hard feelings. Trust me, I know what kind of guys Miami has to offer and you're going to need all the luck you can get. ;) Best wishes.

Wow, right?

This is definitely the pancake-flipping Daddy Sylar. I guess, like many people who are kinda abusive, if you slap them down a little they play nice for a while.

I'm not saying this to be mean and mock him; I'm saying it because my mom heard on Oprah once, "When someone shows you who they really are, believe them the first time." And Sylar showed me he's abusive.

The thing that really bothers me is that so many of the men I encounter want to tear me down. My ex, the guy before him, the guy before that, my college boyfriend, my boss, the guy that brought some other girl to the Halloween party (we'll call him "C"). Sigh. I don't know if I am attracting that or maybe even antagonizing them. I realized today in the car that I pointed out during a group conversation how my different friends talk - one has an upstate NY thing going on, one sounds like she's from Connecticut, one sounds accentless, and that C sometimes does this Spanglish thing where he reverses adjectives and nouns. I mean, Spanish was his first language and he grew up in Miami, so it's not a crazy thing to happen. He doesn't have the Cuban accent that a lot of people born here have; but maybe pointing that out actually made him feel bad. Duh? Are you thinking duh? So maybe that's why he told me I was brave for speaking Spanish.

Except mature people that I would actually want to spend my time with would have the self-awareness to figure out that this bothered them, and then tell me I was an ass, rather than criticizing me about some bullshit weeks later.

Lesson of the day: I should not forget that I can be a total ass sometimes, and I should really apply that mind-mouth filter more regularly.

Sylar Update

He is still calling and texting me. I guess the fact that I have ignored him since Thursday isn't sinking in yet. If he was nicer, I would just text back that I'm not interested. But I don't want to interact with him at all.

Date 3

Last Thursday I went out with another guy, M. M is very nice, significantly shorter than his profile says (like three inches), but otherwise probably what I expected from talking to him on the phone, which I really enjoyed. He didn't ask me what I like to do in my free time over and over, nor does he binge drink, nor profess a great love for Jesus Christ as his lord and savior.

But it just ain't there, which makes me feel a little bad because then I have to reject him. And dammit, I know rejection can really hurt!

As an aside, it's funny, I have different expectations for a guy that lives in the next county north of Miami-Dade. It's just a different world in Broward County. Rednecks, a lot less Spanish, a lot more sun-damaged skin. And they tend to run more on time than people in Dade (Latin Time).

The Day After Halloween

There was a guy I was really interested in, and everyone told me he liked me, too. So I told him I liked him and wanted to date him, and he seemed cool with that. Then during sex he, "I had no idea you felt that way about me."

I kept seeing him sort of, and then a few weeks ago I called him and said I needed space. I know he was shocked, which doesn't make me feel more than a tiny bit better. I disinvited him from my little birthday gathering the following weekend as well.

I'm awesome, and I know this. There is no reason for him not to want to be with me - we have chemistry, we get along well, we're supportive of each other, and we crack each other up. But really he's not good enough for me because he's been mean (he's the one that said I was "brave" for speaking Spanish, highly insulting AND inaccurate), and also this whole thing has been more than a little emotionally manipulative.

Last night at the party he brought a date. It's funny, now that they are dating (it's very early on) I like her a lot more - I don't know if it's because she is happy being with him, because she knows we're friends and wants me to like her, or because she doesn't feel competitive with me for a man like the other times I've hung out with her. But she's sort of adorable! At least in her costume.

But he brought a date, and I would like to punch him in the stomach.

I hate being single, but I also hate being with someone that makes me unhappy, so tonight I am going to hang with one of my closest friends and her cute little kids!

Halloween on Lincoln Road

Tonight I'm going to Lincoln Road in South Beach for Halloween. Sorry, your town probably doesn't do it as well as South Beach.

BEST PARTY OF THE YEAR
Halloween on Lincoln Road
Like all truly great annual traditions, Lincoln Road's Halloween parade just sort of happened. There is no sponsor, no formal organization, no one in charge. It's simply an outgrowth of the Road's late-Nineties transformation from a deserted strip into one of South Florida's prime people-watching spots. For locals who hardly need a holiday as an excuse to pose for a closeup, showing up in their Halloween costumes has become a no-brainer. Consequently veteran attendees know to stake out a sidewalk café seat early. Order dinner and a few drinks -- by nightfall the pedestrian mall is engulfed with dead Elvises, vampires, and every drag queen within a 50-mile radius -- all strutting their stuff for an appreciative audience. Never has the phrase freak show been so apropos, or so enjoyable.

Of course, I hate massive crowds and that's what this is - especially on a Halloween that's on a Friday night. Luckily an acquaintance is having a private party at a nice lounge/bar right on Lincoln Road so I can escape the masses a little bit and hang with proper dorks like me, with some sexy people sprinkled in (me again, ha ha).

Sylar

On Wednesday I talked on the phone with a new guy from one of the dating sites. Frankly, I had a feeling it wasn't a great match to begin with because he seemed sort of jaded/negative in his profile. But he's educated and sophisticated, so I wanted to give it a try.

At the beginning of the convo I said, "So you had to wait a long time to vote the other night, huh?" By my calculations, he had spent three hours! That's a lot!

Unfortunately I then received a long rant-like stream of complaints about the optical scanner method of vote-counting. I tried to ask questions, but he was very argumentative and didn't really want to include my input in the "conversation." I should have ended it then, but I kept thinking about how my friend said that she's gotten burned talking politics on a first date kind of thing, so I thought I'd give him more of a chance.

During that time, I started to realize that he sounds like Sylar, the bad guy on "Heroes." And the actor, Zachary Quinto, is latin, and this guy is Cuban. So now in my head I'm talking to some version of Sylar, perhaps the nicer one we've seen in the future when he makes pancakes for his son and Peter's all weirded out.

Sylar said he's not much of an environmentalist, doesn't think global warming is caused by humans (sigh). I said regardless, I try to minimize the amount of trash I generate because that IS bad and IS caused by humans. This was a very novel idea to him.

Sylar tells me I'm really attractive, blah blah blah. I mean, it's just from my photos. I think it's a little weird.

Then he says, "So why is a cutie like you single at 29?"

Me: "Honestly, since I got here four years ago I keep meeting men who want to prove, or even say to me, that they are smarter than me. And none of them are."
Sylar: "Well, I'm smarter than you."
Me: "We'll let the IQ test determine that."
Him: "You know I was joking, right?" (How Sylar-like, and creepy!)
Me: "Not really. Besides, guys say stuff like that and I don't know if they're joking, and then they act like I'm dumb for not 'getting it'. But maybe I just don't care!"
Him: "Hmmm."
Me: "Or they just want to tear me down, like the Cuban guy that said I was 'brave' for speaking Spanish the other day. Just to make me feel bad. I speak really good Spanish!"

Then he gets me to speak Spanish, and says that it's so hot, when we meet he's going to hump my leg.

And he keeps talking about how he's going to hump my leg.

Really. And I don't encourage this at all. For those who know me, I can be very flirty and inappropriate, but not on a first phone call!

And then, he says something about me being a "lucky bitch."

Me: "You cannot call me that. Ever."
Him: "Okay, then 'ho.'"
Me: "No."
Him: "Then 'slut.'"
Me: "Nope."
Him: "Cow?"
Me: "You can only call me something nice. That's all that's allowed."

Somehow I end up agreeing to meet him for coffee (I know, I'm insane). But then I decide to just ignore him, because when I hang up I feel all uncomfortable and weird.

He's texted me twice and I haven't responded. I hope I don't get a hostile message. I'm actually a little concerned that this guy has my cell phone number.

Did I mention that he teaches middle school?

Date 2

Bobby initially wanted to meet in Coral Gables, near his office on Miracle Mile. Since I already trekked up to Aventura for date #1, I asked if we could do something more convenient for ... me? Duh? He knew where I worked/lived. Already a bad sign when they can't figure out that they should at least pretend to be accomodating for the first date.

Then I realized I had to be near the Mile to go to my friend's birthday party later in the evening, so I called Bobby and asked him to meet me at a Starbucks on the Mile.

I'm running late, as usual, and then can't find parking because (duh) I didn't give myself enough time for a Friday evening. I eventually park in some municipal garage, get out on the street, and find myself completely lost. Then I realize I just need to figure out where the Douglas and Le Jeune Roads are, and I'll be fine. But I'm late, so I call him:

Me: "Hi, I'm a little turned around."
B: "Okay, where are you?"
Me: "In front of Tarpon Bend (a bar/restaurant)."
A few lines go back and forth about going to the Starbucks.
B: "Where are you?"
Me: "In front of Tarpon Bend."
A few lines back and forth - should he meet me there, I say no because I need to be near Starbucks later anyway.
B: "Where are you?"
Me: "In front of Tarpon Bend," getting a little frustrated.
A few lines back and forth.
B: "Where are you now?"
Me: "Um, I don't know how to answer that question. I've already answered it several times."
I admit, I was bitchy when I said it. Totally.

Now that I've established that our communication has broken down before we've even met, I'm not looking forward to the date. Especially since earlier in the day when we spoke, he said we could meet and "conversate." I was horrified, because he wasn't being funny. I guess my list of required qualities now includes genius (see Date #1) and excellent grammar. Did you know there is a blog called conversateisnotaword? Because others hate it as much as me!

Bobby's lines of conversation run in two lines:
1) How attractive/hot/sexy I am
2) What do I do in my free time (Ugh - see Date #1)

Then he says, "So why are you still single at 29?" His tone was a bit critical.
I said, "I don't think I was really ready until a few years ago for a real relationship. Then I had one, it ended, and I took a year off to figure out what went wrong. I think I know now."
I know I don't owe a stranger an explanation, but he asked!
Then I asked him, "So why are still single at 37?" And yes, I was a little snotty.
"I just haven't met the right person," he sighs.

Asshole.

He asks me what my religion is. I'm not gonna bust out with my 12-step rap just yet, heh, so I say "unaffiliated. You?"

"Evangelical."

"Really?" I said. "I would've thought a Puerto Rican guy from New York would be Catholic." I said this very nicely!

"Nope."

I think I was sort of in shock that I had stumbled on an Evangelical in Miami, where everyone is Jewish, Catholic, or just not very religious. Those are really your choices.

Afterwards, we said we'd get together again but I doubt he was dying to see me. And he hasn't called, thank goodness. I went to my friend's party and told my (Catholic/nonreligious) friends about the date and we all laughed.

Date 1

I'm back on the dating scene. I'm on several online dating sites. What have I got to lose, you know?

Steve (name changed to protect the innocent) is two years younger than me, which is really not what I'm looking for. Wasn't even going to go out with him, except we had a really interesting text message rally during the last Obama/McCain debate. I could tell he isn't as smart as I would like, but I don't know if that really matters. "Smart as I would like" is veering off toward genius IQ and I've gotta be reasonable. Plus, he has a job - that's more than I can say for the last guy in whom I was really interested.

So we talk about where to meet, and he clearly hasn't given it any thought, which is lame. I mean, show some initiative! We end up meeting in Aventura, which is a serious drive for me coming from Dadeland/Kendall, but he's in South-Central Broward and the options between us are limited, to put it kindly.

The pizza place is nice enough. He seems like a cute guy, but not really a conversationalist (and thus not my cup of tea). We talk about American history, which he is really into, and it's fun. Then the conversation gets stale. I'm okay with lulls, really. They are normal. But you gotta do better than, "So tell me what you do in your free time," especially when we've already discussed that, you know?

Snore.

He also reveals that, as I suspected, his main activities are drinking ... and drinking. "I really like happy hour," he says. Seriously? He says he likes to go to happy hour on Friday night, then "party," then "recover" on Saturday morning, then go to a bar and meet his friends "to watch football and drink beers."

Sigh.

Then it was almost nine and I thought it would be better to end it than stay out really late or whatever. He was disappointed, but of course did not offer a cogent idea on where to go. AND he went in for a kiss. I got out of it the first time, but he tried again and I just let him plant one on me. Luckily it was only slightly more than a peck. I mean, I'd have needed to drink a lot more than one beer to make out with this guy after that date. Sheesh.

The grand intro

A number of years ago while living in Washington, DC I was regaling my two friends, married to each other, with some ridiculous dating stories. The husband suggested that I write these things down. I was too lazy. Besides, what was I going to do, make a book out of it?

Since then I have moved to this crazy town they call Miami. I love the sun, but I don't sunbathe. I don't adore the heat; I just don't miss the 6+months of gray in Maryland and DC.

I don't intend to write solely about my dating life; but it does seem that these are some of the most amusing stories. So that's where I'm going to start. Who knows where I'll end up!