Workin' it

Yeah, I'm workin' the online dating scene. I'm talking with like 10 guys between eharmony and chemistry. We gotta get me married off eventually. I turned 30 on Saturday. I don't wish I was married or anything, but I haven't been in a relationship of any sort for 2 years. It can be lonely at times. And I feel myself becoming more and more of a homebody, because I don't want to go to random boozy events on south beach that 150 strangers are attending or do the bar/club thing. So that leaves small gatherings with friends, dinners, and/or movies in the evenings. Which is fine. But it's hard to meet new people that way. So I try to do other things, like my dinner group and my book clubs. It takes a long time to establish enough contact-time with someone to consider asking them to do something.

Oy.

Maybe I'll get a date this week. Or see "Paranormal Activity," because I *really* want to see that. Hee hee.

I'm also re-reading Surrendered Single, since a second read may help out. I am definitely more friendly with strangers than I used to be! And that's got the added bonus that strangers are friendlier back and everyone seems nicer!

Date last Friday

Wow, it's been a while since I posted! Got busy with work and stuff.

So on Friday I went out with #27 (I had to go back and check). First, I would like to say that I think it's sad I'm up to 27. Some people would blame it on South Florida. I tend to think I have a hand in it.

Anyway, #27 is 30 and an engineer. He's from Peru. His English is better than my Spanish, but it ain't perfect by any stretch. If we dated I suspect my Spanish and his English would both improve. And in Miami it's not a big deal. But I do like to play with words a lot, so it's hard to date someone who's a little limited in understanding the subtle nuances of my brilliance. Ha.

I had a good time, it was nice! I tried to practice the Surrendered Single thing to listen more, and it was hard, but I did better than I usually do, I think. At the end, he said, "I really like your personality." Wow!! I said I really enjoyed talking to him. I feel like I've only just brushed the surface with him, so I couldn't really give him a compliment much more than that. Then I practiced good Surrendered Single behavior: He said something to the effect that he would call me and I said, "I'd really like to hear from you," or something like that.

Has he called? No. It's too soon to assume he won't. But seriously. It's enough to make a girl give up hope, sometimes. Not that I was in love. But we got along, he clearly liked me, why hasn't he called?

Geez!

My new profile

1. What are you most passionate about?
	A lot! Helping others, improving our country, doing the right thing. I'm very passionate about my job. And I find humor in many situations, which is very important to me!
2. What are the THREE things for which you are MOST thankful?
	1. 2. 3.
3. Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?
	In recent years, my boss. I've learned a lot from him, including some good jokes.
4. The four things your friends say about you are: Edit
	Articulate Caring Intelligent Funny
5. What are three of your BEST life-skills? Edit
	Using humor to make friends laugh Finding pleasure and contentment in simple things Understanding local, national, and world events
6. What is the most important quality that you are looking for in another person?
	Absolutely tops for me is an honest guy who treats people well and likes to laugh.
7. Other than your appearance, what is the first thing that people notice about you?
	That I'm smart and/or funny. And obviously, modest!
8. What is the ONE thing that people DON'T notice about you right away that you WISH they WOULD?
	I can come across as very outgoing, social and talkative - but that's only one side of me. I can be quiet and pensive sometimes.
9. How do you typically spend your leisure time?
	Going to the clubs, dancing until 4 am ... Just kidding. I spend my time reading, hanging out with friends, exercising, watching tv, and a couple of little hobbies.
10. What are five things that you "can't live without?"
	a. b. c. d. e.
11. Describe the last book that you read and enjoyed. What was it about? What did you like most about it?
	"The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo," which takes place in Sweden. Pretty good mystery-type novel. I enjoyed the Swedishness of it, since I'm part Danish.
12. Describe one thing about yourself that only your best friends know.
	I didn't put an answer here - couldn't come up with anything original
13. Is there any additional information you would like your matches to know about you?
	I'm an attorney but I use my knowledge for good, not evil! I travel to Baltimore and DC at least 5 times a year.

I talk too much about my intelligence

A friend kindly pointed out that I talk about being smart, wanting people to be smart, and that sort of thing a lot. So perhaps, her point was, that I do this with guys. And this could cause them to start telling me they're smarter than me because they feel intimidated. I don't know about that last part, but geez, it sounds like I have issues, right? And I totally do, about my intelligence and capabilities. So I need to work on that in the dating arena and in general.

Hey! It's my profile! Input needed. Obviously.

1. What are you most passionate about?
	A lot! Helping others, improving our country, doing the right thing. And I'm very passionate about my job.
2. What are the THREE things for which you are MOST thankful?
	1. 2. 3.
3. Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?
	In recent years, my boss. I've learned a lot about myself through my interactions with him. But my parents really helped me learn how to write well (I try not to start sentences with "but," for one thing, heh), and I think that was a life-long gift.
4. The four things your friends say about you are: Edit
	Articulate Caring Intelligent Funny
5. What are three of your BEST life-skills? Edit
	Using humor to make friends laugh Communicating my innermost thoughts and feelings Understanding local, national, and world events
6. What is the most important quality that you are looking for in another person?
	A highly intelligent, educated, kind, thoughtful, funny, honest guy who treats people well. Can't limit it to just one!
7. Other than your appearance, what is the first thing that people notice about you?
	That I'm smart and/or funny. And obviously, modest. ;)
8. What is the ONE thing that people DON'T notice about you right away that you WISH they WOULD?
	I can come across as very outgoing, social and talkative - but that's only one side of me. I can be quiet and pensive sometimes.
9. How do you typically spend your leisure time?
	Reading, socializing, exercising, watching tv, and right now, painting canvases to decorate my apartment and making jewelry.
10. What are five things that you "can't live without?"
	a. b. c. d. e.
11. Describe the last book that you read and enjoyed. What was it about? What did you like most about it?
	"The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo," which takes place in Sweden. Pretty good mystery-type novel. I enjoyed the Swedishness of it, since I'm part Danish.
12. Describe one thing about yourself that only your best friends know.
	It would be unwise to put that all over the internet, now wouldn't it? ;)
13. Is there any additional information you would like your matches to know about you?
	I'm an attorney but don't practice. I travel to Baltimore and DC at least 5 times a year. Please be at least 6 months out of your last meaningful relationship if you want to contact me. :)

Hmmm

Read his answer:

2. What are deal-breakers for you?

Out of shape! I'll never be fat... I'll be 7ft and black before I'll be fat, lol. So, I expect my match to maintain her figure. I am probably never going to be called "slim" or "slender." I need to lose some weight. It's on my to-do list, like at the top, but it's gonna take time (I need to establish a regular exercise program) and I'll probably always struggle with my weight to some extent. This already makes me nervous - like, is he really shallow? He lives like an hour outside of Atlanta. Input?

Wow!

So now I am being invited to hang out with two guys tonight. One is an acquaintance from college I haven't seen in like eight years. He's always eager to get in my pants though, and this time is no exception. The text messages he sends - geez. And I'm like, "It's not going to happen." "Y not?" "Because I don't sleep around" (okay, we all know that's, you know, a slight exaggeration) "Who said it's sleeping around? We know each other."

Men! They're all pushy to date you or do you, then once they get you in bed it all goes downhill. I swear. That's not to say I'm some big man-hater. It's just kind of grim.

The other is C, whom I have rekindled my friendship with. And occasionally more. C wants to take me to dinner as a thank-you for some legal advice I've been giving him. The more I know about him, the more I don't want anything beyond friendship. I thought I'd get attached, but instead I'm learning that he doesn't make good choices when it comes to women, his job, or finances. And that all adds up to someone that I could never date. It's weird because I was practically in love with him this time last year, and it all went down the toilet and I was very hurt. Now that I know him better, he has some wonderful qualities (for example, he's been advising me on my home-decoration by painting canvasses project and he loves the sci-fi stuff I love), but he's not what I deserve. He doesn't have some of the qualities I need to feel secure in a marriage. Like the ability to steadily have a job.

But having two guys want to hang out with me is pretty flattering. At least they both have advanced degrees, and are interesting and articulate!

Some interesting voicemails

The more I listened, the more I thought, "I'm never going to meet anyone."

http://melodymaker.posterous.com/the-reason-some-girls-stay-single-very-funny

So about your English...

I wish I could tell eharmony not match me with people who don't have excellent English. This guy wrote something about "my advisor in the grad school," and I'm thinking, if he makes mistakes like that, how can I be my smartass articulate self?

I can't!

Ah, well. This girl from the Surrendered Single intro thing I went to said she signed up for eharmony for a year and met her fiancee right when the subscription was about to run out. That'll be in late November for me.

Sex and the City

Did I mention that I've been watching Sex & the City reruns on TBS - I DVR them and speed through.

I've reached the part where Charlotte has met Harry, found him off-putting but fell in love anyway, and is considering converting to Judaism. At the same time Miranda realizes she's in love with Steve, but he says he's met someone and, "Don't worry, I'm not in love with you anymore." Samantha's still getting over a cheater, and Carrie's about to embark on her lame relationship with Berger.

It's weird, watching Carrie with Berger and Aidan, I thought it was totally obvious that the relationships weren't going to work. Did other people see that when they were actually new episodes? Or is it just because I know how it ends?

Either way, it doesn't give me gobs of hope.

Never heard from 24

I hate it when I have a great first date and I know the guy is in to me but then nothing happens. I don't know how often this happens to me, but it sucks!

My really good friend said this blog is depressing because it just goes on and on. I posited that maybe I'm just not as far as I need to be to meet "the one," but three chicks laughed at me and said the closest they would go on that one is that I need more growth to recognize "the one." But if he's in my life already, god help me!

I met a cute guy last night but he just got divorced and only wants to play the field. Sheesh.

Message I got from some guy on meetup.com

hello beautiful,how are you doing today? am kind of new hereand i took a lucky spin on the profiles here then i stumbled onyours.wow i must confess ive never seen any creature asbeautiful as you are.i bet theres a missing angel in heaven..iwould really love to get to know more about you.i have yahooand hotmail ims maybe we can chat sometime..cant wait to readfrom you .mailto:his@yahoo.com or mailto:his@live.comhope to hear from you soonhuggs and kissespaul





Bleh!

Email from 25

25, the opthamologist that flirted a lot with the waitress and seemed disappointed that I wasn't overcome with lust about his money, sent me this email:

I've been meaning to get back to you. I enjoyed our date and think you're very attractive. However, I don't thinkwe are perfectly compatible in a relationship but I'd like to keep in touch with you.

I wrote back, "Sounds good to me. :)"

Why? I dunno. Maybe he's fine as a friend. He certainly won't be all weird like 24 was, texting me and pressuring me to kiss him.

Haven't heard from 24

Which is never a good sign. What's up with that? A good date and then nothing? I swear, it went very well. Geez.

Date with 24

Went on a bowling date with 24 on Thursday at Lucky Strike off Lincoln Road. It was really fun! Okay, I spent the whole bowling time readjusting my clothes after every time I ... bowled a ball? But it was fun. Then we had some good Chinese food at Miss Yip's on Lincoln Road. Despite the fact that he's got 16 or 17 years on me (I'm not even 30 quite yet), it seemed like a good fit. He's uber busy, though, so I don't know when I might hear from him. I genuinely think we both had a good time. So if I don't hear from him, it's not about me. Dammit.

Message I got in an email by accident

This Portuguese researcher I've emailed with (about research for the disease I work with! Water research! That's it!) sent me this by accident, but it was weird because it was actually a response to my last email a month ago:


tb...
sabes o que gostava de ver agora... como é a tua lingerie :) (eu e as minhas coisas preversas)


You know what I'm thinking right now ... about you in lingerie :) (And I'm thinking dirty stuff)


I just had to share. People asked me if I responded, and I said no - why respond? To make him feel awkward?

24 rescheduled again

He asked last night if we could switch it from today to tomorrow because he wanted to take Thursday and Friday off, but he needed to work late Wednesday to do it, and also because he'll be in Miami on Thursday from 5-6 for some politician's thing.
I really hesitated to say yes, but I did. My schedule is open (lucky him!) and, I dunno, he keeps me engaged. That's good. I told him though, "I am being extreeeeeemely accomodating, extreeeeemely accomodating." And I told him if Thursday didn't happen, that's it. And I mean/meant it. He acted like I was all difficult, but then said he likes a challenge. But I wasn't being difficult, just telling him where I stand given his unreliability.
Remind me again why I even want to date? Or be married? And stuff?

#26 - nixed

26 wasn't as cute as his pictures, but okay. He's very smart and articulate. Check. We spent a lot of time just talking. We also saw "District 9," which was my second time (love that movie). He's into that sort of genre. Check. We ended up talking late into the night, at which point he started telling me about his mother. Apparently she's rather difficult and selfish. It went on and on. I was rapidly losing interest. He just doesn't have the insight to deal with her or accept her limitations. I know that most people probably don't. It was all just so off-putting. I said, "I don't want to talk about this any more." He asked why, and I said, "Because it's depressing." Apparently the idea that spending 30-45 minutes talking about how messed up his mom is and how hard it is to deal with her but he keeps giving her another chance because he knows she can change isn't strange conversation to him on a first date. Finally I said I was going home, and he was like, "Can I steal a kiss?" And I was like, "No." And thinking, good god no, please leave me alone! He was really pressuring me. Looking back, it kinda makes me mad!
I had initially said I wanted to see him again, but after all that I was d-o-n-e. He asked if we could still go out the next night and I said I didn't know, I needed to think about it.
Then the on Saturday he's calling to ask me out, then texting immediately. I texted back that I am no longer available. Then he texts me:
Friends?
(No response from me)
Gee (my name), normally I wouldn't care, but I really think you and I could be friends. Forget about the dating part, it'd be nice to have you around....
And then I'm feeling bad, so I text back, "ok"
Then today he texted that I should really watch last night's True Blood, because we had discussed that we both like it.
I feel so pressured to be his friend! So I'm just going to ignore him for a while, and then if he keeps this up I'll tell him I don't want to be friends.
I just feel like he's pushing me and violating my boundaries all over the place.

Fort Myers Guy

He texted me to ask if we could "catch up on the week." Actually pretty nice guy I'm sure, but the idea of talking to him while picturing Dilbert and the movie "Office Space" and hearing him complain was not compelling. So I wrote, "I'm no longer available. Good luck in your search." Didn't get a response, which is fine.

The Sarasota guy again

He texted me several more times, so finally texted him back per what Surrendered Single says to do. I wrote: "Hi. I am no longer available."
He wrote back, "I hope it's not something I said."
I feel sorry for him.

Date tonight

I have a date tonight with 26, an engineer from Colombia (been in US 7 years). I really enjoyed our conversation - I love talking politics a little, mocking Microsoft, and being able to talk about getting the minutiae of my work done and have him know what that means!

#24 called

24 called on Wednesday, left a nice message. I called him yesterday evening. We'll see...

This guy from eharmony in Sarasota

Had my number.
Texted me at like 12:30 am on Sunday. Strike one. Texted back next day I would talk to him soon.
Texted me at like 11:30 pm on Sunday. Strike two. Texted back next day to say I'd like to talk to him, but much earlier.
Responded, "Understood. But can I still pretend I'm in some kind of trouble in the name of playfullness? (Have a heart, it's a Monday :) I have to run,sneakn txt @ work." Strike three.
Left me voice mail last night while I was at dinner - at least it was at 8:45. Comment? "Maybe this is still too late for you," which I think was perhaps passive aggressive, or he's a retard.
Strike 1,786,092!
Geez!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This guy from eharmony in Ft. Myers

Talked to him on the phone. He sounded like a big dork. Tried to give him a chance. Then he complained about his job a lot and said he wants to move back to New York.
Sigh.
(They only get numbers if I've met/will meet them.)

Update on 24

I was supposed to go out with 24 last Saturday but on Friday he cancelled because of a huge work project. Strike one.
But he seemed really eager to see me as soon as possible. Check
So he tried to get me to agree to see him at 10 pm some night this week. I said it was too late. He put up an almost decent argument about trying new things. I said, "I can see why you're a good attorney. But it's too late." Strike two.
He said that we'd have more chats until we could go out again. That was on Saturday. Haven't heard a thing.
I think I'm better off.
I wonder why I'm attracting such tools. I swear I'm not doing anything that says, "convince me to meet you at 10pm on a Wednesday for a first date that you're now saying doesn't have to be a date," or "convince me that my geopolitical knowledge of Vietnam is wrong even though I was an international relations major and keep up with the news pretty well."

Date with 25 (opthamologist)

He had to push it an hour later, to 8:30, because he had just come back from Spain and had to do a bit of driving. Okay.
He showed up on time. Check.
He was kinda cute. Definitely very short. Tiny little hands. (Don't even say it.)
We sat down. He kept talking about house music and clubs in Barcelona. I was uninterested but tried to be game. Then he kept, like, flirting with the waitress. She was really cute, and pretty smart as servers go. I was annoyed. I finally said, "Maybe you should ask her out." His reply? "I don't want to date a waitress. I want someone educated to be with" (or something like that). I said, "Well, she's going to be a hairstylist at the Four Seasons," to which he said, "Nah."
I know. He didn't pick up on it at all.
Sigh.
But then it got better. Apparently he had visited all the important museums and sites in Barcelona.
He didn't ask me about myself much. Has no idea what I do for a living or anything.
Sigh.
But at the end, he seemed pretty nervous. For some reason when he said he would call, I said, "I'd really like to hear from you," since that's encouraging but not pushy, a la Surrendered Single.

As the days go by, I wonder why I would go out with him again. Perhaps he'd do a better job on the second date? I could always just get up in the middle of it and say, "I'm sorry, I tried to give you a second chance but you're still flirting with the waitress and not asking me anything about myself."

I forgot, he also insisted several times that North Vietnam was an independent country. Not sure if he was fucking with me.

The opthamologist

I'm wondering if I'm supposed to be ready for a date after work on Monday, since he won't be back from Spain to confirm with me until I've already left the house. That's kind of weird! But I guess I'll just look nice either way?

I hate uncertainties - I like to know that plans are plans and will stick, you know? Which is super rigid of me - most people I know, even the big lawyer types down here, are more flexible about plans than I am.

#24

24 is the one I met at my dinner group and wrote me a lovely email. We were supposed to go out last night, but he called and told me that he had to do a tremendous amount of work for an August 31st deadline. I believe it - he gave me some details. He said he was really sorry several times and that he really wants to get together with me.
He called me today and kept trying to get me to agree to meet him at 10 o'clock sometime during the week so he could see me. I told him it was too late for a date, and then he says, it doesn't have to be a date and gave a decent argument for it all - we can meet without it being over food, etc - somewhat persuasive. I told him I can see why he's a good attorney, but stood my ground. I don't know if this means that he's good at getting what he wants and I might have to be careful about standing up for what I want/need/deserve or not. I don't know.
It's very hard for me to stand my ground in dating situations - like when #23 asked me to drive him to his parking garage, and I really didn't want to, but he kept pushing and I relented. I don't want to be manipulated. And if you don't have time to meet me until 10 pm, you can wait until you do! Which may be next Friday? I wasn't clear - I guess he's in a hurry to see me. So that's flattering.
Apparently he's not good at basic stuff like changing the battery in his SunPass, which is both funny and disconcerting. He said it was sexy when I said I'm handy with a power drill. We joked that I could come to his place and install hooks on his doors, which I do whenever I move into a new apartment. It makes me feel better since I don't have the huge career and salary and fancy car, because I'm still useful - I still contribute. Like if we were together and he paid for stuff, I could keep things on equal footing because I could, like, do minor home improvement things that he totally can't. On the other hand, I always find it sort of scary when men can't do even these little things, since my dad is super handy, and that's what I'm accustomed to.

Two dates coming up

The guy from my dinner group called me and emailed me and stuff, I knew he was interested last week. We finally talked Wednesday of last week, and set this Saturday for a date since I was going to be out of town until then. So I am excited! It was so nice to be pursued honestly and not have to worry about anything.

On Monday I have a tentative date with an opthamologist that I met on eharmony. He's supposed to come back from Spain that day, though, so we'll see. But I like that he wanted to go out with me as soon as he got back! He did say, "You're the only one from eharmony I'll be going out with, that's for sure," and when I asked what he meant he sort of avoided giving further explanation. We'll see!

Dinner group date?

On Monday at my dinner group I met this guy who seems really nice. He's an attorney and much older than me, but I could tell he was interested. After dinner he asked me out! I said yes. The next day he emailed me and called me.

His email: "I enjoyed meeting you last night, and would love to see you soon. I loved the JDate horror stories, and your fun personality. And we have several things in common too."

He's like, a grown-up!

I have been unbelievably busy and haven't had time to talk to him, will call tonight. I hope he doesn't think I'm blowing him off.

Some random things

Although 22 didn't call (I didn't expect him to), he seemed like a decent guy so I emailed him through eharmony inviting him to join my dinner group. Tried to make it clear it's platonic. Maybe someone else will fall madly in love with him!

This other guy on eharmony gave me his number and I called last Thursday, but it seemed like I got hung up on as soon as I said, "This is (me) from eharmony," and I was pretty weirded out by it. I texted him too right after, but didn't hear anything. Then on Sunday I messaged him through the site that I had called. I heard back that he had been out of the country and didn't receive the call or the text. Asked me to call again or give him my number, so I sent my number. I guess in this case being a little overly diligent was perhaps the right thing to do?

A little boy fun last night

I went to my dinner group last night, which was perfectly pleasant. It was full of guys but I somehow ended up at the end of a table so I couldn't talk to people and eventually I moved. My friend was like, "There are tons of guys here, why aren't you talking to them?" I explained that I felt fat and that is was taking the zing out of me, so to speak. Sometimes it's just so hard to be a woman.

However, at the beginning of the evening a guy I've had my eye on for over a year but rarely see came in. He shook hands with me and couldn't remember my name, but put his arm around me and laughed about being forgetful, so it was ok. During dessert I went to the table where my buddy was, and he was there and we all talked and laughed for liek 20 minutes. He was paying me enough attention that I thought he might be interested.

Then after dinner we were talking and I said, "You know, we're facebook friends." He said, "So then can I poke you sometime?" I laughed and said we don't do that anymore but he could send me a jello shot or something, since that seems to be what people do. But I felt I had been a little too negative about it (my account isn't perfectly accurate), so, after we got talking to other people I went back towards him and said, "And send me a jello shot, or something..." He said, "A jello shot ... or pudding!" "Pudding! That's yummier!" I said.

So there. The Surrendered Single book said something about being open to stuff, and I wanted to make sure he knew I wanted to hear from him a little more clearly. But the ball is still in his court, so I think I'm doing this right. If nothing else, it's good practice!

Doing what Surrendered Single says

So, "Surrendered Single" says to smile at everybody. I've been trying to do that, even though it's weird. The book points out that as children we're taught not to talk to strangers (or smile at them) but that now we can safely do it because we're adults and know how to keep ourselves safe. Good point. So now, smile at everybody. You never know what could come of it.

Also says to put on a little lipstick when you're going out of the house. I opted for eyeliner and mascara today, since I drink water and soda all day and lip stuff will just come off on my water bottle.

That's all. Nothing too exciting to report.

Additon to my profile

After the #23 disaster, I have added to my eharmony profile: Please only contact me if you have been out of your last meaningful relationship for at least 6 months.

Date with 23

Now comes the juicy and dysfunctional stuff! I know you were waiting for it, except my mom. She doesn't like the dysfunctional stories. Can't imagine why. ;)
23 was right on time. I had a really good time with him! He was fun and enjoyed my dark joke about the person dying and leaving my organization money. He asked about the two rings I wear, including the diamond & sapphire one. I told him I married myself, and he laughed but like it was creative, not stupid. Ah, it was going very well. I really liked him a lot.
After dinner we wandered the Gables a bit, until we came upon The Bar (that's what it's called, really). We sat and it was fun and blah blah. Then he started putting the moves on me and kissed me in the bar! I was like, we can't do this here, blah blah, but then he'd kiss me again... anyway, I got us out of there. We made out in the street. Seriously. But there really wasn't anyone around. Thank god for July in Miami - everyone's on vacation or something (but where do they go? Hmmm.) But I started to get scared, because I liked him and I felt like things were moving fast. Not that they could go further than kissing really, but still. So I was like, okay, I'm gonna go. Then he asked me to drive him to the garage he was in, even though it was around the corner, in case he couldn't get out (it was 1 am). I assured him that he could get out. I just felt like I should do it. It was weird, because he didn't try anything. Which is good, but it was weird.
Well, Monday on my way to see my therapy therapist (since I've written about the physical therapist) he calls me. Yay, right? No. Apparently he just got out of a relationship 8 weeks ago with a 31-year-old woman with a ten-year-old who is twice divorced.
I've come to the conclusion that, when I remember to think this, you're attracted to someone who's at the same level of emotional health as you are. So, already this is looking bad for him. Then he tells me that he had broken up with her "over and over" in the past, that she moved in with someone else and was marrying him within weeks of the breakup, and that he lost friends he'd had for 10 years because he "just fell apart" and they were used to him being the strong one. What?
So - Number 23 - nixed

Date with 22

22 is very nice, but I didn't get a good feel for who he is. Probably means I talked too much.

We were supposed to meet at 6, as far as I know, but he didn't show up until 6:30 and didn't text or call. It was kind of odd. In fact at 6:15 I (having, unusually, arrived at Starbucks right on time), texted him that I was going to Jamba Juice next door. He texted back that he'd meet me there. Then I came back to Starbucks and texted him that I was back.

Anyway, he seems very gentle and kind. I think he's not the type to appreciate the occasional bit of gallows humor which comes along with my occupation. I manage a nonprofit organization for a disease, and people die sometimes. So when he asked how I raise money, I said it was hard but, "Someone died and left us 50 grand!" I smiled like "Hey, what are you gonna do?" But he was a little taken aback.

I think I should marry someone in the medical field.

So if he calls again I'd say yes since the Surrendered Single book says that we're nervous and weird on first dates, so give the guy a chance. But I kinda think he won't call.

Speaking of the medical field, I'm in physical therapy and today I was lying on a mat doing some exercises and my therapist's friend/endocrinologist came by to give her some medication. They did the Miami kiss greeting. He was cute! So I was like, "My doctors don't deliver my medications to me. They don't even kiss me in greeting!" I gave my therapist my card with my cell number on the back. She said he's very shy, doesn't know why he's single except he's too picky, wants a girl that's never been married (check), doesn't have kids but wants them (check), and is Jewish (fail). But as I told her, I'd make a wonderful Jewish person. I'll convert. It's cool. I've thought about it before since I meet a lot of Jewish guys.

Anyway.

#23

#23 is a 6'4"-tall Indian guy in Sunrise. He's very nice, very smart. I liked talking to him last night! We're supposed to have dinner Saturday night. I'm thinking I'll try to get 22 meet me for coffee at 6, then wrap up at 7:30, then meet 23 for dinner at 8? This is assuming I'm doing it all on Miracle Mile, which would be easier than driving different places.
Okay, it's a little wrong to stack dates, but what am I gonna do? Get all done up for a 2 o'clock date, go home and do stuff, then get all done up again for an 8 o'clock date?
I know, I have terrible problems to tackle.

#22

#22 is Mexican. Talked to him Tuesday night.
He seems very nice - you know, like a nice person. Nice is important. He wanted to know if I was serious when I said on eharmony that a dream I really look forward to having come true is to have a house with a yard so I can have a big dog. I didn't understand why he cared so much at first, then he told me he has a Weimeraner that he really loves but had to send back to Mexico because he was unhappy in an apartment. 22 has a big extended family and the doggie was lonely and cooped up. I could tell it was hard for him to part with his dog, and I related that it had been hard for me to part with my cats because of allergies. It was nice. Sounds boring, right? But we were connecting.

Anyway, hopefully I'll meet him for coffee on Saturday. The dumb thing about me going on coffee dates is that I don't really like coffee. Maybe there's a Jamba Juice on Miracle Mile, cuz I think we're meeting in the Gables.

Surrendered Singles Circle

I went to this thing last night called a Surrendered Singles Circle, although I had no idea what it was about. It's actually based on a 2002 book that I just purchased on Amazon for about $7 including shipping. They want you sign up for a $200, 3 1/2 month biweekly seminar, but I won't because I'm cheap and I can't sit still for seminars or classes. But I'll read the book.
Basic premise? Relax, be yourself, and don't pressure yourself or your date. Some memorable lines from last night that resonate with me:
"He's on a first date, but you're in a relationship," meaning that I'm already thinking about will he make a good husband, am I attracted to him, will my friends like him, when really, that shouldn't matter. It should just be about having some fun meeting someone new.
"He didn't call because he didn't call," meaning don't get into the whys and wherefores of it all. Just move on. Don't assume it's because I suck.
It's got a bit of the 12-step idea going on, about focusing on yourself and being kind to yourself, and becoming a person you are happy with.
Afterwards I talked to the guy likely to be #22, and I really enjoyed it. I tried to just be myself more, and I felt like it worked! I relaxed and didn't censor myself quite so much, and it was ok.

This artist guy

I was communicating with this artist guy on eharmony, and he gave me his number on like Thursday and I said I'd call. On Saturday afternoon I get this message on the site, "what happened?"

Er, it was less than 48 hours, and I'm not gonna call him on Friday night, you know? People are doing stuff. I'm doing stuff (or taking a nap, but anyway). Well, I messaged him back that I hadn't had a chance to call and would call on Sunday.

Called on Sunday. Got the ol' voice mail. Haven't heard from him.

People are so strange.

I closed those matches

I closed those matches that didn't call me for weeks and stuff. Lame. At least they didn't call me and tell me that parts of my job make them want to barf.

#21 - nixed

Firstly, he shows up at Starbucks having not even bothered to shave. This was quite clear because he had some serious shadow on his entire neck and face. Also, I immediately got the impression that he's gay. I didn't get it on the phone, but in person - geez. Maybe he's just effeminate.
Anyway, things were going okay, but he wasn't as cute as his pictures, I really couldn't feel attracted to him, and he kept mentioning that the green tea he was drinking was perhaps upsetting his stomach - come on! Be a man! I'm sorry. I can't stand it when men are like, "Oh, that upset my stomach," when everyone else is fine. (Once I had a boyfriend that in the middle of the night puked up our Chinese dinner and said it was because of my entree, because he "tasted it first" on the way up. What? You ate another entree that I didn't touch ... and you're a pansy.)
In addition, talking about the disease I work with for my job made him queasy when we talked about sputum (phlegm) samples being required for diagnosis. Then later he says, "I burped but I was worried - well I mean, I didn't vomit or anything," and I responded with a decent-sized, "Ewwww!" "I guess I shouldn't have said that," he said. "No," I said.
We wrapped it up soon after that.

Coffee Date on Sunday - #21

I'm meeting a guy on Sunday for coffee. He has a very dry sense of humor, something I can appreciate! He's a lawyer, but in-house counsel (so probably not 80-hour work weeks). Definitely enjoyed talking to him last night.

There are several guys that said they'd call me and never have, but also haven't closed the match. It's annoying because I want to close the match and be like, "So there!" I mean, that's the mature thing to do. It's just weird. I never had that happen at the beginning of my time on the old eharmony.

Also hope to line up a date with an artist I've been communicating with. Gotta give him a call!

#20 - no call

He did close the match on eharmony, choosing "We are communicating outside of eharmony" as the reason, but I knew the truth. Oh well.

Yes, perhaps as one anonymous poster said, "he was too cool for school," or at least, for me.

I do think he's a little nuts, and I don't really want a little nuts. At least not in that way.

Blast from the past

Er, so I get a friend request on facebook, from this guy that seems vaguely familiar from back when I was in law school. He mentions my undergrad and law schools, so he must know me, but who is he? His profile lists him as having gone to neither. So I write him back.

Yes, he's this guy that I hooked up with in 2001. It was so-so. I remember later that night I snuck out of my room and got on the phone with this other dude I had been seeing (I'm still convinced that he was gay) and was more interesting to talk to.

Then in the morning my crazy roommate was out and I was afraid she would get pissed at me for bringing someone home even though it wasn't going to affect her in the slightest (we didn't share a bathroom, I didn't use the common areas, and my room was closer to the front door!). But I remember I felt I couldn't let him leave because she was in the kitchen and would see him, and he kept saying he had to go to work, and I was like, "You can't leave! She'll see you!" Oh, this makes me laugh. I held him hostage for like 10 minutes but it felt like hours.

I wrote him back that I couldn't believe he remembered my last name (and both of my institutions of higher learning!). I guess it was even more memorable for him... I said I still feel bad about the whole not-letting-him-leave thing. We'll see if I hear back. He has over 1,000 friends and I'm not dying to friend him.

Haven't heard from #20

I had a feeling that would happen.

#20: The Recap

He was right on, time a good sign. In Miami sometimes they're late - bleh. I was actually 5 min later, and he texted me to ask what drink I wanted.

I walk into the restaurant and am not sure where he is, until I see this guy with a blue flame-type tattoo around his lower left arm. I remembered it from his pics. Badass, right? My mom's already in love with this one, hah.

He's cute! And he's got very carefully sculpted facial hair - very closely trimmed, thin sideburns (it looks good) and, well, a soul patch. Sounds awful, but on an artsy guy it's cool. He tells me about his job - he's the art director at an advertising company. I kept picturing episodes of "Mad Men," but he's working on commercials and Mad Men isn't truly there yet. ;)

So, grown-up career: check. Really digs it: check.

He's got a heavy Brazilian accent, so he can be hard to understand, especially in a noisy place like the restaurant we were at. Learned he's a huge soccer fan (big shock, not). And big into motorcycles, based on his photos and that his shirt said "Harley Davidson" on the pocket.

I was indecisive about the menu - I can be extremely indecisive. I know men hate this. But anway, he says, "You remind me of my ex-wife." "Great," I said.

We talked about religion, always a great topic on a first date (oy), but it was a cool conversation. He's got a lot of opinions and some of his views are pretty interesting (as opposed to lame, boring, or nonexistent). But he might be a little out-there. Or just interesting. Out-there might be okay if he's not an alcoholic and can hold a job.

We were talking about the band Queen. He said Freddie Mercury's parents were Indian, and I was certain they were like Afghani or something. He said, "You wanna bet on it?" And for some reason I said, "Yeah!" "Really?" "Yes. What's it for?" "This dinner," he said.

I lost.

He found this amusing. I'll be honest, I was annoyed. Probably childish. He went to the bathroom, and I texted my friend, "I just lost a bet and I think I have to pay for dinner!"

Okay, it was funny. When he came back I told him I texted her and we cracked up.

After much debate, asking the waitress for her opinion about whether he was really going to make me pay, blah blah blah, him enjoying it the whole time and me thinking, Really? You're really gonna make me pay?, we split it. Because he wanted to be a "gentleman." "I wouldn't go that far," I said. I think he was surprised a bit. I was just being honest. I felt like he could actually handle my honesty, which is pretty unusual. Check.

At the end I said, "Do I still remind you of your ex-wife?" "No," he said. "Good."

We left, and he said, "I'm gonna take you over there to get a drink," since I had to pay or because he wanted to act in good faith or hopefully because he just liked my company. Dude, he was wearing (nice) flip flops. Very casual but well-done look as a whole. A perfected look all in all. I have to say that since flip flops are my "shoe" of choice, it's cool. But on a first date? So I said, "I'm glad you dressed up for me," teasingly. He laughed, and told me how he gets them from his ad agency because they're free. He held the door to the bar open for me. I said I dressed up for him, that I changed out of jeans, tshirt and flip flops for the date.

We talked a lot about Brazil. He started talking geography, and drawing invisible maps on the bar as we talked about different places. I was impressed with his invisible maps, and said so. I put on my glasses to find the bathroom, and he said glasses are sexy and I looked good in them. I must have smiled big because he says, "Oh, you like that?" "Of course I do, I'm a girl!" I said.

He also said I looked good in my outfit.

At ten I was like, "Oh, I'm gonna get a parking ticket." I had only put 2 hours in the meter, at 7:30. He was like, "Oh, that's not good, let's go," and we walked to my car. He's at least 5'11". Check. We chatted by my car for a minute, then he hugged me a little longer than absolutely necessary and we said good bye. It was a nice hug. I remember it fondly as I write this.

Then like 20 minutes he texted me, "Drive safe!" Here's the rest:
I'm already at my bldg
But thanks ;)

Him: Have a good night.


You too. Had fun.

Him: Nice, thanks for honoring the bet. Bets are sacred.

Yes, I've learned that! Women don't bet much, I think.

Him: Well equal rights to everybody in America. Equal rights = equal responsibilities ;) A bet is a bet I am pen for new bets, If I loose (sic), I pay.

Yes, you're right. Oh, you'll pay. I'll find something good. ;)

Him: It is ur right feel free
Him: Shower lalari lo loooo!!
Him: Figaro figaroooo lalai lo looooo!!

Opera in the shower?

Him: Yes. My phone is getting wet lalariloloooo

lol
Not Queen or heavy metal?

Him: Some Judas Priest. Frewheel (sic) buuuurrnniinnnggg!



So, I dunno. If he calls/texts, I will go out with him again.

#20 Tonight

I'm going out with 20 tonight. He's Brazilian. I liked him alright on the phone. We'll see. I think he lied about his age.

I'm not exactly overwhelmed with joy about this date. He wanted me to meet him at his place in Midtown and then drive with him to some restaurant, and I said no, let's meet in the Grove, which is more convenient for me and where he works. And not weird, like meeting a stranger and driving off with them. I think he wanted to go home and take a shower and stuff; I go straight from work. No need to make it such a big deal! He also wanted to meet at 8:30, I said 7:30.

Meh.

What to do in this situation?

This guy on eharmony gave me his phone number and I wrote back that I would try to call him in the next couple of days. Last Thursday I called him, got voicemail, left a message. Haven't heard back. Am I supposed to let it go, or send a message on the site that I called? Sometimes I have friends not get my messages, but it's pretty unusual. I guess I just think that at this very early stage I'll give them one more chance, but after the first date I go back to playing hardball. Comments?

Told my Physical Therapist to hook me up!

I happened to look pretty good yesterday when I went to physical therapy, so I asked my physical therapist (also known as The Inappropriate Healthcare Provider) to find me a boyfriend. "Why are you asking me?" he said. "Because smart attractive guys know smart attractive guys," I said smugly. "What about me?" he said. Errr, what? I said something about having just covered that. Then I said, "I don't think [his fiancee] would appreciate that." There was some more chat, then he asked me if I've ever slept with a married guy, to which I replied, "Not as far as I know!" I told him that's really off-limits for me, which it is. If a guy's got a girlfriend, he's off limits in my book. Was that a last try? Probably.
Then he started actually thinking about hookin' me up. "No idiots," he said. "Yeah, they have to be really smart. I'm looking mid-thirties to perhaps even early forties, if they look young." "How old are you?" "Almost thirty. But I think I need an older guy, although not because I'm so mature," I said, to which he grinned. I also said minimum of a bachelor's degree because I've had several boyfriends really feel inferior about my having a law degree. And he knows I'm a smart-ass, so that helps - not gonna set me up with some lame guy with no sense of humor. He said, "Aren't you on antidepressants?" Keep in mind that he knows this stuff because when I went to him three years ago it was just us in this tiny room in the back of my (fancy) gym, and I probably told him too much. Oh well. Can't undo the past. "Yeah, but I'm on a half dose now." "That's one of the first few things I ask on a date," he said. "Really?" "Oh yeah. I want to know if you're going to go really crazy." Ack. "I'm actually pretty rational about stuff. I think that's one of my strengths. I don't really go nuts, " I said. "Until you really let it out," he said, kinda joking but I knew he was serious.
Oh well.
Of course, this is the guy that greeted me this way: I was sitting in a chair reading a magazine, and he walked by, miming that he was hugging me and kissing me and said, "Makeout greeting." Then after he put me on a ice pack with the electrodes on my back he had to leave, and he gave me an air kiss from the door, across the room by at least 20 feet in front of 5 people. This makes me laugh even as I write it. Can you imagine any health care provider doing that to you? Only in Miami.

I felt this deserved a new blog rather than just a comment...

...because apparently I need to provide some insight into the convoluted female mind.

A comment about Gorgeous Guy:
So you're not going to date the guy. Ok, that's fine. But if you're attracted to him, and if he wants to, then why not have sex with him. It has to better than the guy from the backseat of a car in the garage who couldn't keep it up, right?

You assume that if I slept with one guy then I'll sleep with all of them. Going off with some random guy I'll never see again is not the same as sleeping with someone in my social circle that blatantly doesn't want to date me (which kind hurts!). If it's a one-night thing and/or means nothing to the guy and/or me, I don't want to have to see him again - I don't want to get attached to a guy that's not good enough or not into me. Plus I don't really want to sleep with random people all the time (Exhibit A: "tuck me in guy" got nowhere). Sometimes it just happens, but I'm not looking for sex all the time. Really. Mostly I just want to find someone for real. If I wanted to just sleep with whomever, you know that more than one of those 19 dates (thus far) would have ended you-know-where. I know I coulda bagged the alcoholic pilot, for example. Occassionally I'm in the mood to do something stupid. Mostly not. Like when I travel for business I could hang out in the hotel bar like a floozy and pick up men, but I don't (even though there are some cute single guys in my hotel here in DC). Instead I order overpriced room service for dinner and ... write on my blog.

Geez, I'm blind

Had dinner with my cousin last night while I'm in DC for work. He said that as soon as he met my Ex (the big ex, the relationship I'm still scarred from), he knew he was a pot head. What? I was incredulous. "Yeah, he had all the mannerisms. And he was dumb."

Wow! I said, "This is why everyone, including you, must absolutely tell me when you see this stuff! I won't get mad! I can't trust my judgment!!

I'm still, after almost 2 years, in shock or disbelief or something about the inappropriate behavior I put up with. I carry it with me and question my judgment at every turn. But I think my judgment is okay if I really listen to myself - like with Gorgeous Guy. I can convince myself of a lot of stuff, but really, let's be honest here: he's not into me or he's a pot head or he drinks six beers on a first date or he's gay, or whatever!

Why I don't ask Gorgeous Guy out

I think he's just not that into me.
I discussed this actually with some guys last night, who gave the following feedback: after seeing me four or five times, he knows if he's really interested in dating me. That night he probably just wanted me to stay around so he could get laid. The comment that I'm into scifi but he's not combined with his basically turning me down when I said we should go out last December (his response? "But you're a lawyer) - there will always be a reason why I'm not what he really wants.
I really think he just wanted to sleep with me that night. He could email me and ask me out any time. He knows I'm interested. He's a savvy guy and he's at least 35 if he's a day, so he knows what's what. I've put myself out there enough. All the more reason why it's good that I just left on Thursday instead of hanging around.

Beddy-bye time

Thursday night I also went to a happy hour fundraiser for domestic violence and human trafficking - my friend donated to them and had some extra tickets. She wanted me to come so I could network. I am a terrible networker. Mostly because I don't like talking to strangers!!

Anyway I saw this guy I went on a date with like 3 years ago and I remembered the full story.

I had been working at a title company doing real estate closings and he was a client. Then I left the job and he got my cell phone number so he could ask me out! We had never met, but I said yes. I was flattered that he liked me enough on the phone to ask me out based solely on that.

I met him at his condo in Brickell - I don't know why I said yes to that, but I did. He was pretty good looking, which was awesome! Then we went to a bar and hung out for a while. We went back to his condo to have a drink - I already knew that he wasn't attracted to me, I think, but I went anyway. The night was wrapping up. He said he was going to go to bed - I was kind of insulted - he couldn't even walk me downstairs to my car? Then he asks me to tuck him in to bed. I demurred. He asked again. I demurred again. He like begged. Seriously. I'm not making this up!

I went home. I did not tuck him in. Geez!

Gorgeous Guy again

I was out last night at the new Prime 112 Italian (never been before - I gorged myself on cheesy garlic bread and eggplant parmesan - yum!!).

Then my friend says that Gorgeous Guy is here, and she goes over to say hello - he peers around the bar area to see me and I wave, then go over. When I come over he lights up, I swear. He asked us how the dinner group was going and I said I was hosting again on June 29th. He said he's supposed to be in Rome. I said a I love Rome, it was my first European city and I love it! My friend leaves because she knows I'm a dork about thsi guy. He asks me what I've been up to, wanted to know if I was staying at Prime for a while, asked me if I had seen the new Star Trek movie. I said I hadn't but I really need to see it, and Wolverine and Terminator. He says, "So you're a sci fi person?" "Um, I guess, yeah." "I'm not," he said. Hmmm. I don't say stuff like that unless I'm interested in dating a person, but that's just me. So then I told him about this business advertising thing he might be interested in, said I had a card, and he wanted it, so I go to get it from my purse and he follows me over (he could have just waited). Then my friends were leaving and we were still talking, and he's like "Your friends are leaving," and I was going to go but we kept talking and then he's like "Your friends are leaving," so then I decided I should acually go. He said, "I have your email address to, so I can reach you about this," and I said goodbye.

Then I got in my car and screamed and shrieked.

(Okay, yes, I'm a huge sci fi movies and tv dork, and I read a lot of True Blood-type book series.)

Foul-mouthed!

I just got this one from a guy's Must Haves/Can't Stands:

Foul Mouthed...... I can't stand someone who swears or uses inappropriate language or humor.


So I guess I gotta close that match. It's too bad, because I match his other 19. Except the one about good hygiene - just kidding!! But he's 5'6", so whatevs...

At least I'm not boorish, right?

The physical therapist

I know you'll be disappointed that the Inappropriate Healthcare Provider is engaged. It's true, I was disappointed. That could have made for at least one very bloggable date.

You love drag racing?

We're not gonna work out.

I think the next one will be 20

I did a review of my posts because I haven't assigned a number to a potential date in a long time. So it looks like the next one will be #20. Aren't you thrilled? ;)

I've been rejected for not being a sun-lover

The guy that said he likes to shop for vintage clothes also asked me what beach I go to - and I don't, really. I don't really like hanging out in the sun. I sunburn easily, I don't want to damage my skin, and I don't really enjoy being in the sun. So I kinda avoid it. I play tennis in the evening, I walk in the shade, etc.

So I wrote this: Honestly I'm not much of a beach person. I don't really like being in direct sunlight - vanity, and it just gets sort of hot! If that's a deal breaker, I understand. Do you go to the beach a lot? Haulover? Ha ha! (Haulover is the nude beach)

He wrote back: Hmm, although you are a beautiful attractive women, im not sure we would be a good match if your not a real beach kinda person. I spend most of my free time there. I live on Normandie Isle 3 blocks from the beach. I love riding my bike there. Anything to do with the sun, Im all over it :)

I already had suspicions that our fashion issues would clash, and he's not so hot that I'm crying or anything, so...

A hot guy initiated communication

This ostensibly really good looking guy initiated communication on eharmony. I must say I am excited. His only pic is of him on a beach with sweet body - not overly muscular, but niiiice. Gotta get my ass on the treadmill and elliptical some more!

I have such a crush on my physical therapist

A little over three years ago I was in a car accident (not my fault! None of them down here have been my fault) and injured my back pretty badly. I went to the physical therapist that was just opening his own place - in the back room at my snazzy gym. Then he moved to a bigger place and I kept going. I always had a kickass time. He has a partner who is great too, a woman. So I needed some PT and I called them. I was surprised how much they remember about me - it's been a while! Apparently my "cackle" is particularly memorable, and he likes to get me to laugh and then point it out.
I got special treatment since I was one of the original clients - I actually got him as my therapist even though he has a lot of staff. Yay for me! Also got me a next-day appt when I called yesterday.
Ah, this guy is such a flirt it kills me! And he's very cute, and pretty smart. But I've always known somehow that he's bad news dating-wise. Also he apparently likes older women, which makes me at least 10-15 years to young for him. But I have such fun! PT should be this great for everyone. When I arrived he said, "I never made you do that topless therapy, did I?", to which I replied, "I don't think you'd have to make me." And at the end as I was leaving he said, "Next time don't wear a bra, let's see how that goes." It gave me the stupid grin.
It's hard to feel bad about your pain with that kind of conversation going on. Come to think of it, that's how my 2 girlfriends helped me get through the hour-and-a-half it took me to a tattoo when I was in law school - sex talk with the tattoo artist!
Also, I really like this mature discourse. It really stimulates my pondering on world peace.

It's been a while

Wow, I just realized it's been quite a while. Sorry, loyal readers! I had a great convo with the boorishness guy but then he never called again. I don't know why. Seriously. After a while I start to think it's me, except I'm pretty awesome, so it must be him!

I'm currently communicating with a guy that lives on the beach who seems to be into fashion. One of the things he likes to do is, "hunt for vintage clothes," which as you might suspect is right up my alley. Not. But he seems interesting, and I could stand to just meet more people. And he's not a clubbing type - says he likes mostly quiet evenings at home. I thought that sounded lame until I remembered what I seem to favor... I'm sorry, am I boring you? Heh.

Also started communicating with another guy.

I really haven't had a date in a while. I guess it's me? Naw.

Tuesday night

I went out with my friend for Drinko de Mayo - the plan was to go back to the same billiards place because the likes this guy that was gonna be there. I wasn't dying to go, but I wanted to go out and she was bringing some nice girls. I didn't think my fling would be there. It was definitely a nice evening, pretty relaxed. But of course at the end of the night my fling showed up and walked by me a couple times and didn't notice me - although I was hiding under my hair, angling myself so he wouldn't see me. But then as I was leaving I went to just say hi (I really wasn't feeling up to anything more than that!!) and he didn't really seem to remember me. I said, "I'm just saying hi," and he says, very much like a little boy, "I'm getting my drink on," which was depressing. Then I left and drove my friend home!

Monday night

I tried to get the teacher and Gorgeous Guy to come to the dinner I'm hosting tonight with my dinner group, but they couldn't make it. Sigh. I told my friend via instant message that Gorgeous Guy mentioned that he is madly in love with me, to which she replied, LMAO. Sigh. However, I do expect to hear from the guy I spoke with the other night, in the next few days, about a date! I need a date. I've gotten like 20 matches from eharmony in the last week and the only bites have been lame.

The boorishness guy - phone call

I got a charming, funny message from the guy, weeks ago, responded twice, but firefox was malfunctioning or something and the responses weren't going through. So I logged on through explorer and just messaged him, "I've written you twice and it hasn't gone through! Can you send me your number and we'll just talk?"

This also eliminates the waste-of-time messaging period!

We talked last night, and I really liked him. My major complaints: he's a total morning person (I am more like a vampire) and he said he needs to have a house with a concealed backyard because he keeps "a bunch of jalopies" back there. I guess he works on them? These are very much acceptable issues in my book. He seems genuinely nice and smart and funny. So we'll see. He's got a house in Orlando (only been here 10 months) and he's going back this weekend, said he'll call me next week. He is, however, planning to buy a house in Morningside.

I like men that are planning to own a home here, it means they plan to stay. So many don't. I know it's cool to bitch about Miami, but mostly I like it here - but a lot of guys want to leave. I even like the wild parrots that wake me up in the morning with their screechy squawks - because they're in my window sills, and climbing up my window screens with their little feet/claws and otherwise making a tremendous racket. I love those little bastards!! Love 'em! They pair off and nuzzle in the sills, and if I'm quiet I can watch them. My mom enjoys this when she visits, too. My new apartment has them in the windows much more than my old one. I think I'll learn to ignore them, which is good at 6 in the morning, but too bad because I'll take them for granted, those funny cute little buggers.

The graphic design/programmer

On Monday (I was retelling my weekend all week, so haven't gotten to Monday yet!) I was dressed all cute because I was going to my dinner group that night. It just so happened that our graphic designer and his web programmer guy were meeting with my boss on a separate issue, so I finally got to meet the programmer guy, who I've communicated with on the phone and by email for like a year at least. I knew he was interested in me after our last conversation. We're on linkedin together, and I have a photo up, so he knows what I look like. He's kinda cute, but, I dunno. So Monday I go in to meet him and I can tell he's totally into me. It was rather exhilarating!! I was all giggles when they left, but... My coworker really wants me to date him, but today I finally just said I can't see it. He's gonna really like me, and I'm gonna be not that into him, I can already tell.

I had to call him to get him to do some adjustment on our website around December, and he answers and says, "I just got robbed!" So I calmly told him to hang up and call the police. But it was just weird. Like, he's working (at home, I think) and someone in the middle of the day walked in and stole his laptop? My coworker related the story of how her neighbor always leaves his garage door open and hangs out in the backyard doing stuff, and one day people entered through the garage into his house and robbed him. But honestly, I think that's weird too! So ever since this robbery thing, I've kept him off the mental potentials list.

So that's that.

Gimme a Kiss!

A clip that sums up how I feel sometimes - but it's more like, let's see if the chemistry is there before I waste time on this coffee/dinner/brunch/afternoon meal/drink/whatever.

Saturday Night, Part V

Okay, Part V is the last part, I promise!

I forgot to mention that the whole time I'm with him, it keeps floating into my mind that he probably is gay. The way he talks is just kinda gay, okay? And it's cute, but not, you know, what a straight girl wants. Although I do absolutely love Adam Lambert on American Idol, like, too much. Maybe I'm developing a gay-guy fetish. Not likely, except so many guys down here are so gay, even the ones that proclaim straightness.
So we're back at his place, I'm getting my massage (damn right he's gonna put out on that one!). I end up going to bed with him. Come on, he smells good and he's very charming! Thing is, he can't, uh, finish. Just can't. I know why. I'm not particularly perturbed. More curious that he just can't admit it. He blames the booze, and knowing a lot about alcoholism, I might too, except he's just kinda gay! But we laid around in bed for hours, cuddling and talking and making out and whatever. He mentions that a) he's been to some AA meetings (shocking) and b) that he's lost several girlfriends over the not-finishing thing. "But I'm not gay," he says. Oh, yes, except you are.
You know what? I had a good time.
I haven't gotten any lovin' since January 9th of this year. It's lonely, yet I find that I like being on my own in some ways. When I feel well, I like going to bed exactly when I want, reading in bed without guilt that the light is on, watching whatever tv shows I want, and not having to plan around anyone. It doesn't really bother me that no one else is in bed with me. I don't want anyone there. I haven't met someone in awhile where that desire even comes into my brain. When I don't feel well I wish I had a boyfriend to baby me - oh, and I always wish there was a man around to deal with bugs. But that's no reason to settle for a guy I'm not into - especially if he's into dudes too.

Saturday Night, Part IV

So we're walking to the parking garage. Look, I can I pretty much tell that this guy likes to party - drink a lot, smoke pot a lot. He actually said he likes to smoke pot, to which I said, "Of course you do!", because I always find the pot smokers. He, though, is special because usually they are not also alcoholics. Oh well - I wasn't looking for marriage! I had been trapped at home most of the time for the past month recovering from whatever was ailing me - test results pending. So my purpose was less ... chaste ... than it would be on a date. Plus he was cute and he smelled really good, despite probably having ingested enough booze to knock out a horse. Not that I'm judging.
We're walking to my car, and I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing or intending to do. Then we're kissing by my car, and it's fun! Some people in a car drove by and hooted at us, they must have been tourists because us Miamians hardly notice that stuff on the beach, so I put my arm out as they backed up (it's a small garage) and gave them a big thumbs up and we continued kissing.
The guy's all like, let's get in your car. I mean, I know why he wants to, but I don't see it as a comfortable option and I'm not gonna do much of anything in the backseat of a car. He may be 27 going on 19, but I'm 29 going on too-old-for-this, so I have my limits. But then I said fine, we'll get in my car. I didn't let him do much, so then he sat back and started massaging my foot, but he had his back to the door and I had my back to the other door, my foot on his chest, so you can imagine how that looked, and these two guys are walked by and stared in at us, so I waved to them. I mean, I was having fun, enjoying a light situation! Honestly, I know it was all really odd- but odd is what happens at 2 in the morning with people you hardly know.
We were getting all sweaty because, despite the nice outdoor air, we were fooling around in the backseat of my car in Miami in April. I opened my window a little. Then he said we could go to his place and he's give me a massage.
You think I said no? Of course you don't. I knew what I was doing, more or less. I am, after all, 29-going-on-too-old-for-this.

Saturday Night, Part III

I walk into the billiards place and into the back, where he's talking to the DJ, on a platform thing. I look up, he sees me, and just put my arms out to the sides, like, here I am! He motions that he'll be with me in a minute. It was a lot of minutes, but my friend came in and we chatted. I said to her, "He's in his thirties, right?" She says, "Uh, no," to which I say, "Oh." I mean, I'm 29, so if he's not in his 30s he's probably younger than me and I'm kinda over the younger guys.
He came over and made an excuse to tell me he did 2 years of medical school, but dropped out. We chatted. I said, "How old are you?" "27," he said. "Ok, that is acceptable," I said with a grin. "Why, are you testing me?" "No," I said, "I was just ... checking." I don't think he understood why I cared.
He went off to do something again, and my friend's friend came up. First I asked her what his name was, since I couldn't remember if I had been introduced. She told me his name. Then I said, "Don't tell him I asked this, but isn't he gay?" She laughed and said that it seemed like it but apparently definitely not. We talked and I relayed how I was stunned when he said he was flirting with me, and that I don't seem to know what I'm doing about guys anymore!
I went outside to talk to him again. I gave him my number, because my friend and I were ready to leave. He said, "I'd like to walk you to your car. Can I?" I said, "Well, I'm driving my friend home, so, uh, it might be a little weird." "I don't mind," he said. "So it would be the three of us?" "That's fine," he said smiling, "maybe I can sneak a kiss."
Well, this had me all worked up - I was probably blushing and I found the whole situation surreal. "Well," I said, "let me go get my friend."
I go back into the billiards place and relay the story. "That's okay," she said. "I'll stay here with [the other girl] and catch a cab home." (She lives on the beach, so that's not cruel and unusual). "I'm happy to drive you home! Really! He can call me. It's fine!!" I really said those things. She said, "Nope, it's cool. You go, I'll stay."
I said my goodbyes, then went out to find the guy. We walked to my car...

Saturday Night, Part II

We get to the billiards place and we're just hanging around with the girl who promotes there. It's pretty dead. We end up outside with her, with the door guys and various staff who have nothing to do, as well as two of the owners who also don't know what to do with themselves. There's various drama going on with people and I'm just enjoying the weather, shooting the breeze with my friend and the door guys.
Then I get an idea: I'm wearing flip flops but have sexy shoes in my big ol' purse, so I put them on and start trying to bring in business! They have this very cute employee girl in knee-high fuck-me boots and a miniskirt. I say to the door guy, "You should really send fuck-me-boots out to wander in front and bring in business."
The door guy is cute, very tall, cute! But gay, I'm pretty sure. He says, "Yeah, but she's just really dumb and she can't do it. She doesn't know how to bring people in." We talk some more. Then I say, "Hey, you should go out there and do that, you're pretty cute!" He's all like, oh no, I'm not that cute. And I was like, yes you are! I don't care when they're gay! I'll say whatever. We're talking some more and then he says, "Well, my place is right around the corner," and gives me a flirty look. I basically ignored it because a) I don't get out much, b) guys are so hard to read these days, and c) he's gay, right? I mean, I don't decide someone's gay when they're not, right? But then, they ALL seem gay to me anymore, I'm so paranoid.
We keep talking, and then I say to him and my friend, "Well, if nothing else I have the 55-year-old condo association manager - she looks good for her age!" My friend laughs. The guy says, "I've been trying to flirt with you this whole time but you're not responding, so I'm gonna go get a drink." And then he walks inside the billiards place.
I was flabbergasted! And then I thought, Oh, duh, he was flirting with me!
I looked at my friend and said, "So, am I supposed to follow him?"
"Yes, you're supposed to follow him," she says with a grin.
"Oh," I said. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore."
"Go in there!"
So I went.

Saturday Night, Part I

I haven't been getting out of the house much recently, between being out of town two weekends ago, moving last weekend, and being generally under the weather for quite a while. I was determined to be a normal, single 29-year-old again on Saturday, if just for the night!

I asked me friend to take me along with whatever she did that night. We met at the Playwright on sobe, stayed for a little while. Then we went across the street to this billiards place that's trying to make itself into a nightclub - during a recession. My friend knows the girl who is charge of promoting the place, and we basically went in, it was dead, and left. We went to a place next door, where I had a hamburger and fries along with my beer. There were some cute guys, but they seemed ... boorish (and too young). Then we went back to the Playwright and I did my womanly duty of picking guys up. I thought they were both Latin, but then the taller, cuter one said his name was "Sam" and I was like, uh-oh. Arab alert! I don't do Middle Eastern guys anymore. I did that in college and stuff. It wasn't pretty. Sorry to stereotype, but they don't treat women like American men do.

Then we find out they're like 23 years old. "Well, I'm almost 24," Sam says. Hilarious!

Then, they say they're going to a club, and this is the part where we're supposed to act like we want to go with them. Instead I say, "I don't really like clubs." Sam drops the lame line, "I go because I really like the music." Yeah, right! Then I say, "I'm not into dancing with sweaty strangers," to which he responds by doing a little dance move like he's totally into dancing with sweaty strangers - which, of course, at 23 years old, he is!

So my friend and I decided to head back to the billiards place.